Cineplex Odeon Memories: The Night I Was Ghostface
What made the occurence even that much more clever was the fact that that part of the movie featured a “film within a film,” which blurred the lines of fiction and reality. I like to believe that my performance magnified that idea and added a little more thrill to the atmosphere.
It’s not everyday you walk into a movie theater and see a cavernous homemade Batcave erected or a knife wielding killer from a horror film chasing innocent ushers through the theater at high speed. I would’ve liked to have been one of the people watching Scream on that Friday night. It was almost a throwback to gimicks like “smell-o-vision.” I would love movies to become more of an event, like when I go to see an film in IMAX. Do you think witnessing the killer chasing someone through the theater would intensify your viewing experience? Maybe if it doesn’t succeed at creeping you out, it would definitely make for a memorable bit of conversation!
Nocturna Mission #3
It’s nearly impossible to keep track of the sizzling love affair between Batman and the Mistress of the Night, Nocturna. Seriously people! In our last post they were just fighting over a Robin costume at a Halloween store! And now these two crazy kids are passionately sucking face on the cover of Detective Comics #556 from way back in November of 1985!
All I know is, if DC Comics ever released one of those Fabio type romance novels, then the cover would be exactly the same as the one on this issue! The cover art is truly fantastic with a very detailed version of the quintiessential ’80s Batman sticking his tongue down this goth bitch Nocturna’s throat. Makes me want to do it too. Good for him. Every guy has a fetish. At the time Batman was into thieving, underhanded goth chicks.
Whoa, wait a minute…was this Detective Comics or an episode of Passions? How does Batman even put up with her absurd rhetoric? Nocturna’s clearly only good for one thing: making out!
Nocturna Mission #2
Tonight, The Sexy Armpit will take a look at Detective Comics #543 which features “The Battle of the Century! Nocturna vs. Batman…and the prize is ROBIN!” The cover of this issue is colorful and awesome. Nocturna’s ghostly skin and blueish/black hair really stands out. The Batman logo underneath the Detective Comics header has always been my favorite. To be real for a second, it looks like Batman and Nocturna are about to go at it for the LAST Robin costume at a local Gotham Halloween store before closing time on October 30th! Maybe there’s a kids in their extended families who really wanted to dress up as Robin this year?
NOCTURNA: “That’s my Robin costume Batman! Get your gloves off!”
BATMAN: “Nocturna, you’re unwillingness to let this Robin costume go will only get you further
into trouble. Stealing is a crime! You’ll spend the rest of your life in the Gotham State Penitentiary!
NOCTURNA: Your cowl has apparently stopped the oxygen flow to your brain because ain’t NO WAY IN HELL you’re getting this vintage Jason Todd era Robin costume. I’m calling Halloween store security.
BATMAN: Don’t bother, you won’t know which one is the real security guard or the store employee modeling their security guard costume, which is new this year. I’ve taken the liberty of ensuring that both of them were walking around at precisely this moment because I knew you and I might’ve had a run in. I’ve also taken the precaution of ingesting a special super strong bat-antidote pill just for the heck of it.
NOCTURNA: Do you know why we don’t have sex anymore? Cause you’re truly a bore, do you know that? Now give me this damn costume!
BATMAN: Possession is 9/10ths of the law Nocturna! Don’t make me call Chief O’Hara!
NOCTURNA: I will have anything I want, even if I have to steal it!
…the real store security comes running over to the scuffle…
SECURITY: Unhand that costume Nocturna! It belongs to Batman! You’re under arrest
for stealing store merchandise!
NOCTURNA: WHAT?
BATMAN: You see Nocturna, I obviously didn’t need another Robin costume, especially since I have about 75 extra ones in the Batcave that Alfred made up. This is just a little thing I like to call entrapment.
NOCTURNA: YOU SCOUNDREL!
BATMAN: Now maybe if you would’ve opened up those long cadaverous legs of yours for some bat-action once in a while then this wouldn’t have happened, you bloodless bitch!
Man on a Marshmallow Mission: Pumpkins and Pals Beware!
When you hear the term “Man on a Mission,” I’m 99.9% sure that the former WWF trio of Mabel, Oscar, and Mo doesn’t spring immediately to your mind. A man on a mission is ME when I’m in the grocery store, or any store for that matter.
“I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda”
Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck) “The Asshole from Fashionable Male” – Mallrats
I’d hate to fall into the category of a person who is respected by Shannon from Mallrats, but, yes I usually have a shopping agenda. I don’t quite live in a bustling city like Manhattan, but the traffic and headaches here are sometimes just as easy to come by. Going to some of the grocery stores and superstores like Target and Wal-Mart drives me nuts. It’s rarely a pleasant experience even though I’d like it to be. On one occasion, I drove to Wal-Mart for a poster frame and then realized there’s no good parking spots, carts are banging into cars, and when I finally got a spot, someone tried starting shit with me saying it was their spot. This isn’t even the holidays!
Once in the store, I become the Terminator and set my infrared sights to pinpoint exactly what I came to get. Oh, who am I kidding? I get sidetracked so easily. Seeing Batman Underoos stops me in my tracks. I think if I had the money I’d just buy anything with my favorite characters on it. After spending an hour and probably somewhere in the range of $100, I realize I need to get the fuck out or suffer more monetary and mental damage. I’m sure I also had some irreparable damage to my ear drums considering it’s so damn loud in these stores with all of the screaming, crying, whiny kids. I love kids, truthfully, but they go ballistic if you don’t tell them you’ll buy them every thing in the store.
Even when I’m at a higher level store like Wegmans, difficulties still hinder me from shopping with ease. When the hell are grocery stores going to hire a traffic cop and build shopping cart highways? So many people have no idea how to handle a shopping cart. Some folks are actual adults and senior citizens believe it or not! You’d think they’d be experts at handling themselves in a store after shopping for 40 some odd years. People don’t move when they see others trying to get through, and certain people think that NO ONE IS EVER BEHIND THEM! Go a little bit faster people! You don’t have to run the New York City Marathon or anything, but damn, not everyone is retired and taking leisurely strolls through stores “just to see what pops out at them.” Remember, get out of my way…I’m on a mission!
When I actually made my way through all the congestion and literally cursed my way through the fresh baked bread line, I finally attempted check out. This part is the biggest joke ever. Not only have I actually seen a person almost get kicked out of the store because they went to the 10 items or less line with well over 10 items, but a middle aged angry woman cut in front of me in line and then yelled at me saying “I was next…you can’t cut in front of me!” Just get me out of this hellish place! These people are out of their minds. I just need to buy my Marshmallow Monsters, and a couple of friggin’ chocolate pumpkins and get my ass out of here!
A few days ago I finally decided to try Hershey’s milk chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkin. I think I had a brainfart because when I got home I realized I thought I bought the Reese’s pumpkins, but I was happy I didn’t…at least my health was. These Hershey’s pumpkins aren’t that bad for you so you won’t feel too guilty indulging. Even us “adults” need to relish in some Halloween candy once in a while. I haven’t trick or treated in about 16 years so this will have to suffice. Making it through the store excursions alive was scary enough.
I tore open the package to see a hunk of chocolate that did not resemble a pumpkin, more like a half a fig covered in chocolate. It didn’t matter though, because once my teeth ripped into the soft marshmallow center I was sold. The pumpkin was tasty, I must say. The marshmallow filling was actually quite smooth and more on the creamy side. It wasn’t that styrofoamy type of marshmallow you get in a Moon Pie or Scooter Pie, this had substance. The texture and taste was pretty close to that of Fluff.
If you are the type of person who watches what they eat, then I highly recommend the Hershey’s marshmallow pumpkin as treat for Halloween. I didn’t see a dark chocolate version in the store, which I would’ve rather had but with 3.5 grams of fat and NO cholesterol, you won’t feel too guilty.
Hand made Marshmallow Pals are my new best friends! I don’t remember seeing a package of “hand made” candy in a long time. I picked these up at a $5 Below store, who always seem to have tons of candy. As it turns out, there was several different varieties of “hand made” candy in the store but the Marshmallow Pals really caught my eye. They had that special something. At first glance I knew these were going to be mine. Inside the individually wrapped packages were Frankenstein, Dracula, The Witch, and we’ll call him Mr. Pumpkin. They were all happy to finally get a breath of fresh air after spending so much time wrapped in their cellophane.
They looked so appetizing, especially Dracula and Frankenstein for some reason. I was impressed by the details like the semi-hard icing that made up the hair on the witch and Drac, Frankie’s bolts, and the pumpkin’s vine. Admiring those details didn’t last very long since I beheaded all of them! The Marshmallow Pals basically tasted like Peeps but these seemed a bit sweeter, possibly from the aforementioned hard icing.
Sorry I ate you my little mavericky Marshmallow Pals! And now that I can’t hear, I have no money, and my eyes are crossing thanks to all the bright lights and cool shit…it’s finally time to go home and enjoy the rest of my booty.
My First Nocturna Mission!
There’s not enough Nocturna on the Internet! I’ve expressed my passion for Nocturna and my desire to see her appear in the next Batman film on this site before, even though my efforts will no doubt be futile.
Now that Autumn is here, the sun has started to go down earlier each day. What better way to greet the night than with the sensual and gothic Batman villain and sexpot, Nocturna, Mistress of the Night? While she’s not the comedic sort like Elvira, they definitely evoke similar qualities in appearance. I’d imagine Nocturna is lighter on her feet than Elvira because she doesn’t have big hair. They’re both ultra pale. Elvira just likes to cake on the makeup, but Nocturna has a legitimate lack of skin pigment. I can’t really say if Nocturna ever wears nipple tassels that she spins around when flailing her boobs during dance numbers, but she does carry herself with quite a Dark Shadows type flair.
Noctura’s sexier than Poison Ivy, especially if you don’t like when Pam makes vines grow up your legs and then tries to hold you captive in her room full of killer cactus and Venus flytraps. (Not that she’s tried that kind of kinky thing on me or anything…) Now, goth chicks on the other hand are a lot of fun and unlike Poison Ivy, they don’t need to shoot you with darts full of love serum to turn you on. All it takes is some pale cleavage and jet black hair, and they’ve got you hooked…much like Bruce Wayne was when in the presence of Nocturna!
Today The Sexy Armpit will take a look at the covers and some panels from Detective Comics #530 and Batman #363. Please, all of you creatures of the night, join me in my Nocturna Mission! We’ll have more Nocturna to follow within the Halloween Countdown!
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.8: Batman and New Guernsey Purrrfect Together!
The ’60s live action Batman TV series frequently threw in parodies on names of real people and places. To the west of Gotham City was “New Guernsey,” which served as the New Jersey of the Batman dimension. New Guernsey is shown on a street sign in the episode “Scat, Darn Catwoman,” which aired in January of 1967.
Julie Newmar can sit on her golden cat throne forever because she’s the sexiest, most seductive, and sly Catwoman to ever play the role. How could we allow such feline failures in the past? Was there any reason for the Lee Meriwether’s, Eartha Kitt’s, and Halle Berry’s when we could’ve just reused old footage of Julie Newmar? If it wasn’t for Tim Burton resurrecting Selina Kyle as some kind of Cat-Zombie, Pfeiffer would be on the exact same level as Newmar. What can I say, I’m traditional, I don’t enjoy my women as much after they get eaten by cats.
I’m sure millions of simultaneous wet dreams ensued in 1967 as all the pubescent boys watched Catwoman as she was running and climbing stairs all over this episode. As you know, running leads to bouncing, and climbing leads to great ass shots. Thanks for everything Julie Newmar!
Batman: I’ll do everything I can to rehabilitate you…
Catwoman: Marry me
Batman: Everything except that, a wife no matter how beauteous or affectionate would severely impair my crime fighting!
Catwoman: But I can help you in your work…as a former criminal I’d be invaluable. I could reform honestly I can!
Batman: What about Robin?
Catwoman: Robin? Oh I’ve got it, we’ll kill him!
My Batman Geek Cred
I’m not going to sit and pretend to be too cool for school. I know what a meme is, I’m just a little foggy on the details. I’ve never taken part in a meme before since it seems like some elitist blogger thing! Just joking…calm down you! Actually, I was under the impression that much like a Vampire comes into your home, I thought I had to be invited to do a meme. Heck, even if I wasn’t invited…I’m CRASHING! Meanwhile, over at Eclectorama’s blog, Chunky B wanted to show off just how geeky he was with certain pieces from his Batman collection. Toyriffic and others have joined the meme (gee, I don’t know what’s geekier, the stuff I’m about to show you or the fact that I keep referencing the word “meme” in this paragraph. I LOVE BEING A FREAKIN‘ NERD! MEME MEME MEME. It’s been my dream to do a meme.
Several blogs out there have mentioned that even though we’ve had such a high dosage of Batman within the past few months, we still can’t get enough. I never get tired of looking at other people’s Bat-collectibles and memorabilia. And now from my personal Batman collection I unveil to you items that would most classify me as a total geek.
Solely by definition alone, this piece of my Batman collection is solidified as the most technically geeky. I’ve had this Batman bookmark since I was a little punk like Jason Todd. The manufacturer is One Stop Posters 1987.
Here we have 2 sets of bat cuffs which I HAVEN’T used in a sexual manner…YET. I’m always waiting to pull these out of my utility belt along with a latex prophylactic. In this little scenario that’s going on in my mind right now, I smirk at the camera, then I proceed to get out of my bat suit, leaving the cape and cowl on of course. Women love the mystique! Then we’re doing the Batusi all night, OHH! Seriously though, it’s a sin to know that they aren’t being put to proper use. I’d much rather see them clutching the wrists of a frisky Selina Kyle or a playful Barbara Gordon. As for Nocturna well…she can put me in the damn things, lose the key, and have her way with me.
One of the headliners in my collection that I consider special is my limited edition Batman Lighted sculpture by Headlites. It’s been in my room since ’92 and it’s even followed me to my bedroom in my own condo. Even though I’m not a kid anymore, Batman is still a major part of my life and always will be. When I was young my dad used to ask me “Jay, do you think you’ll still like Batman when you get older?” I’d rebut the question with a resoundingly positive response as if he put me on trial. Once you’re a Batman fan then you’re one for life! How’s that for geek cred, huh?
Believe it or not, there’s so much more random Batman stuff to be brought into the spotlight here at The Sexy Armpit. I’m not going to blow it all out right now though. Remember, we’ve got The Dark Knight DVD release that will surely bring more Batman posts your way! For now please take a look at these other Bat-related posts that are just as super geeky:
Monster Mania Con 11 at Crowne Plaza, Cherry Hill New Jersey 8/23/08
Whenever a Horror or Pop Culture convention rolls through town I always wind up missing it. I used to make it an event and go with my Dad every year but as I got older and actually started working full time, the weekend became a time to cram everything in that I neglect during the week. Even though weekends are busy, I’m realizing life is too short and I should be doing things that I enjoy. If going to a concert is the best way for me to spend my hard earned cash, then blowing the rest of it at a convention is a close runner up. In fact, not only did I make it to a convention this weekend, but as soon as I got back from my near hour drive I was off to Crue Fest at the PNC Bank Arts Center. Talk about a jam packed day of pop culture!
Chiller Theatre is the most well known Horror & Nostalgia show in the Tri-State area. It attracts a slew of actors, musicians, and personalities from horror movies and pop culture. Another convention that has made a big name for itself in the past several years is Monster Mania. Monster Mania took place at the Crowne Plaza in Cherry Hill and featured Robert Englund, A Lost Boys Reunion, and a Halloween Reunion.
Getting overwhelmed at one of these shows is ridiculously easy. If you’ve never been to one I’d actually advise you to NOT bring too much cash because you WILL unload it ALL! There’s so many vendors and sellers that have copious amounts of “stuff.” It all happens to be “stuff” that you NEED! From obscure bootleg horror movies to rare action figures and magazines, you will find it all at a convention. It’s almost like a flea market except it only sells the coolest crap. When walking around one of these events you might forget eBay ever existed because everything you ever wanted, and everything you didn’t even realize you wanted is all there spread out in the hotel’s convention centers. And oh…did I mention the celebs? Ok, we’re not talking A-listers like George Clooney but people who are much closer to our hearts. You might want to take your picture with Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund. He’s such a cool guy that he’ll put the glove on and ham it up as Freddy in your picture. That’s a photo op that you’ll tell people about for the rest of your life! Adam West did a similar thing for me also. The personalities that appear at these events are usually people who love to interact with their fans.
The real grabber for me, aside from The Two Coreys, was Danielle Harris. I spent most of my life having a major crush on her. One of the main reasons is because I used to watch the Halloween 4 and 5 and I related to her since we were almost the same age. I remained a fan through the movies that followed although they weren’t big budget films nor were they easy to find. The overlooked Killer Bud actually became one of my favorites. Who knew that she’d have such a resurgence with Rob Zombie’s Halloween? When I found out that she would be coming back for the Zombie version I turned into a smitten little bitch all over again. I was waiting for her name to appear on the guest list at one of these horror conventions and sure enough, she was signed on to appear at Monster Mania along with some of the other stars of the Halloween series.
When I met her, I told Danielle that I brought her a Sexy Armpit T-Shirt, which was based off my blog. She actually said that it was really cool because she wears shirts people give her alot and the tank she was wearing was actually from a fan also. Danielle was cool enough to take a picture with me holding the shirt.
I never thought I’d say that I got to meet Corey Haim and Corey Feldman considering that I’ve seen basically all of their movies collectively. That’s a difficult task since there’s so many films that they’ve done which no one’s ever heard of. I haven’t just seen those, I own them. That’s how much of a dork I am. If you grew up in the ’80s and were young enough to think these guys were cool then you know what I mean. Heck, anyone who was always on the cover of Bop and Teen Beat were considered cool. It didn’t matter if you were a guy or a girl, you appreciated that crew. If it was Nicole Eggert or Alyssa Milano, or The Two Corey’s it was almost a prerequisite to revere them. If not, then you probably weren’t the right age. All I know is, their movies were all anyone my age talked about for a few years. Then it all got weird. Just like with Danielle Harris, I remained a fan.
Getting to meet The Two Corey’s was possibly the closest thing to surreal as it gets. For a kid who knows all their lines to their movies and used to mimic the things they did, I still can’t believe that I was talking to them face to face. I wasn’t really excited though, it was more weird than anything. I almost wet my pants when I met Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue but meeting The Two Corey’s just made me feel like I was having an outer body experience. I guess the possibility of meeting them never even crossed my mind.
I can’t say it was a let down, but Haim is out of his mind and Feldman is kind of a dick. Suzie just liked to horn in on Feldman’s every word and interaction. She was noticeably agitated that I was ignoring her and talking it up with her husband who’s actually talented. Thanks Yoko. I bet The Two Corey’s would still be on the air if it weren’t for you! I don’t give a crap if you were in Playboy! You’re mooching off the fame of one part of The Corey’s. Now that’s pretty much sabotaging yourself.
It was definitely hard to come up with something to say to these two. I knew I’d mention one of my favorite Feldman roles but Haim seemed so drugged up that he wasn’t even making much sense. Perhaps it’s true that all the years of drugs actually did fuck him up so bad that he has a major slur. Who knows. All I know is Haim told the kid before me in line that he was “very close to getting Robin.” That meant that he was in the contention for the role of Robin in the Batman film franchise. As far as I know there’s no plans for Robin in future Batman films AT ALL, so maybe I could get the role of Nightwing if I take whatever pills he had in his system!
As for Feldman, I tried to throw him a joke but he wasn’t too receptive. You would think he’d appreciate that some guy respects his work so much that he remembers a minor role he had from 1988 (Ricky Butler from “The ‘burbs”). I didn’t want to be like everyone else and talk about The Goonies. In fact, alot of the people were pulling the exact thing that he hated by asking him to say certain lines from some of his movies. That is kind of rude in a way because he’s not a sideshow, at least show him that much respect. I think I might react the way he did if I was put on the spot like that. The girl before me asked him to say a certain line from one of his films and he got noticeably perturbed and said “c’mon that was 20 years ago.” Damn these guys are bitter aren’t they?
I don’t think there’s such thing as a child star curse. I think it’s that certain people just can’t cope with not having fame. Fame provides them with self worth and that’s the unhealthy part. Who knows, they may not turn to drugs or create shitty bands like The Truth Movement if they truly loved themselves. Regardless of seeing how fucked up they really are, it was cool to meet them and I’ll never abandon their movies!
How can I forget to mention what I bought at Monster Mania? I picked up a fantastic Toxic Avenger box set at the Troma Films table. I’ve been trying to track down the complete set of Toxie films and I wanted to make sure that they had the ENTIRE animated series included as well. This box set has it all so I was happy to plunk down the cash for it, otherwise it would sit on my amazon wishlist forever.
Among all the fanboys and girls and just plain horror freaks, I noticed a lot of awesome tattoos. One nasty giantess wearing fishnets and an uncomfortably skimpy black number had a tattoo on her arm of David Bowie’s “Jareth” from Labyrinth. I would’ve commended her on it, but she scared the hell out of me and she was kinda gross! Luckily this girl was able to wash the bad taste out of my mouth:
She had a kickass JEM tattoo that I noticed from about 10 feet away! I went up to her like my usual psycho self and said “yo! cool Jem tattoo! Can I take a picture?” She must’ve thought I was a weirdo, but who cares! lol.
If you haven’t made it out to a convention, make sure you experience one. You’ll have alot of fun, see alot of cool stuff for sale, and possibly meet some of your idols! What’s up next? Chiller Theatre!
Two-Face Cameo In Dead Heat?
While checking out the archives at Nightchillers Rare Music blog, I saw a movie mentioned that jogged my memory. Dead Heat, (1988) is a buddy cop movie in the vein of 48 hours and Lethal Weapon, but done ZOMBIE STYLE! The film stars cult hero Treat Williams, an actor who I’m surprised hasn’t had a book written about him similar to The Truth About Chuck Norris. We also get to see Jersey boy Joe Piscopo star as Treat Williams partner, Doug Bigelow. Sure, some of the SFX are dated but that’s part of the charm. It’s the type of comedy/shocker that we really don’t see made anymore. If you want to relive some great ’80s late night cable memories then definitely pick up a copy of Dead Heat. Cheesy jokes, reanimated corpses, and Joe Piscopo…how can you go wrong? I haven’t watched this movie since I was a kid so I popped it in the other day and had a moderate revelation. Treat Williams was the first on-screen Two-Face!
It’s undeniable if you ask me! Of course Treat Williams didn’t actually play Harvey Dent, he played Detective Roger Mortis, but I’ll be damned if the makeup artist wasn’t a huge Batman fan! Be sure to look out for appearances by Darren McGavin, Toru Tanaka, Martha Quinn, and VINCENT PRICE!