A Septic Spiel of Spooky Scares, Super Heroes, and Strange Stories from Miles Beneath the Crud of New Jersey!
The incomparable artist Mike Bock is actually one of us. According to his bio, his interests include MOTU, GI Joe, TMNT, Thundercats and Wrestling! Among the various He-Man and Thundercats pieces that he has done, his brilliant creative powers also discharged The Toxic Avenger, New Jersey’s only Super Hero!
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each of the six persons know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.
Pets
The only pets I’ve ever owned were a bird and fish. I would love to own a dog or cat but ultimately something always hinders me. Could it be because the bird and the fish died? It feels like a pet wasn’t meant for me even though I’d love some cuddly Gizmo type creature to hang out with when I get home from work. I’ve been looking into adopting a genetically engineered purple lynx named Bubastis. Hopefully Craigslist will have one…
Traveling
I’d like to do all of my traveling within the U.S via a Winnebago a la Lone Star. Many people I talk to put so much emphasis on visiting other countries, and I can understand why. There’s an 
abundance of beautiful places and cultures to discover around the world, but we in the U.S forget about our own 50 states. I love California, especially San Diego and Los Angeles. I would own property there if I had $$$. I’m thinking of borrowing Lone Star’s Winnebago and enlisting Barf to pilot the thing. Once we get some Jovi cranking, I’ll grab a few of my friends and make our way around the country. If Lone Star won’t give up his ride, then I’ll hit up David and see if he’ll let me borrow his alien ship Max from Flight of the Navigator. At the end of our country wide tour we’ll make our way home, which for my entire life has been right here in The Sexy Armpit aka New Jersey.
Childhood
frequently tell me that middle school, high school, and college are their favorite eras of their lives. The amount of great memories I have from childhood are innumerable. It’s not just hindsight, but I truly feel that it was just about as perfect as it could have been. I was able to enjoy everything from Three’s Company to the A-Team, He-Man and Thundercats, Back to the Future, The Goonies, Ghostbusters and the resurgence of Batman. The toys I got to play with will never be beaten. I was always using my imagination and people actually encouraged me to do so. I was on the cusp of the computer generation. I became familiar with computers from a class at school but my family didn’t own a PC until the mid ’90s. I was fortunate enough to have a mixture of influences from the late ’70s and the early ’80s.
Tattoos/Piercings
I have 3 tattoos and if they weren’t so damn expensive I’d have at least 3 more. Presently, a lightning bolt resides on my left shoulder, there’s a burst of flames shooting up from my lower abdomen, and I have a star with green fire on my right bicep. Both of my ears are pierced – my left ear has 2. There was no rhyme or reason to that, I just gave up on piercing after a while. I’d love to have my lower lip pierced on one side, (not in the center) I think it looks cool but my boss at work nixed the idea. In today’s world it doesn’t seem like a big deal considering all the different wacky things people are doing, but it’s a corporate environment so there’s supposed to be some sort of decorum. Boooo!
Fitness
I’ve been working out since I was 13 but I despise every second of it. I’m not one of those people who is all smiles after a workout. Sure, the endorphin rush makes me feel good, but who in their right mind wants to work out? Isn’t it so much more fun to vegetate, eat some snacks on the couch, and watch TV after a grueling day at work? I have to literally drag myself to the gym after work and it’s only a short trip down the street from my place! I actually do enjoy running and riding my bike, but only if it’s not cold outside. I’ve become quite the pussy over the years. Oh yeah…and I still watch cartoons and wrestling so SUCK IT!
I don’t ski, snowboard, rollerblade, or take part in rugby, but I do enjoy playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band. My Rock Band 2 band name is The Big Titheads. I played for 3 hours straight the other night. I’ve got some pretty rad hair and a ridiculously slim waistline. It looks totally unhealthy come to think of it. I’m really into the hot female drummer I’ve enlisted. She’s got blonde hair with pink highlights and long pigtails. I don’t find it strange at all that I’m attracted to a girl made of pixels, they make those chicks hot on purpose! One of my favorite songs to play is “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello, among others. I’ve also come to realize that my pinkies are completely useless.
You’re tagged!
Jason at Sonic Dork
Even though I only received 3 “official” entries it was difficult choosing a winner. By official I mean your entry isn’t eligible if you tell me your answer when I run into you while I’m at the grocery store picking up milk. The winning of He-Man T-Shirts is serious business! I came to my final decision today and I thank the 3 people who participated. I feel honored that my Sexy Armpit T-Shirt giveaway during Halloween was a runaway success compared to this one. I really thought more people would be clamoring for an obscure He-Man Tee, but who knows…the winner may just have this baby up on eBay as soon as they receive it! And now let’s take a look at the entries:
Laura from New Jersey wrote:
Since I’ll assume that I’m probably one of the only girls who entered this contest, I decided to take a few liberties. Sure I could pick any of the “hot” ladies in the world of MOTU but to the chagrin of many guys out there reading this, I’m just not into chicks. So, while I’d like to say that Catra is a dirty little minx and I want her paws all over me, that’s sadly not the case. I’m sorry.
I’m going to change the rules a bit since Jay didn’t think that a girl would want to enter. With that said, any guy reading my entry will automatically think I’d pick He-Man or Bow to go out on a date with but that’s surprisingly not the case at all.
My answer would be Orko. Just thinking of him working his magic on me gets me HOT! Even though his spells usually turn out disastrous I definitely give him credit for trying so hard. Not too many guys out there give such an incredible effort like Orko. Sometimes, it’s more charming when a girl sees a guy really trying and being creative rather than a jerk who acts like he’s God’s gift and everything he does in bed is perfect. OK, ok, the real reason why I chose Orko? He had THE BIG “O” on his chest!
Eric “Bubba Shelby” from California wrote:
Here are my answers (as He-Man of course!)
1) Madame Razz. I watch “Desperate Housewives,” I have every Teen Beat magazine issue
that features Ashton Kutcher, and my favorite film this summer was “Sex and The City,” so I know all about the Cougars! Rowr!
2) Obviously it would all begin when I held aloft my magic sword and said “I have the Poweeeeeeerrrrrr!!!!” I would then point my throbbing power sword at the quivering pussy and ZAP – That pussy will ROAR! After that I’ll strike a quick manly pose, glance from side to side, and run away.
Donovan Jacob S. from Gloucestershire, England:
I chose Zilora:
1) Zilora…isn’t it obvious? She’s got hypnotic spiral breast coverings!
2) I would lure her to Zodac’s sex dungeon: Zodac’s Pleasure Shack, where Fisto would be waiting to perform his “trademark specialty” and Modulok would be ready with his “Mod-u-cock.” I’d take pictures and make a special ViewMaster disc to commemorate the event…
It was a close call between Eric and Donovan. Thinking of Madam Razz as a cougar is pretty damn funny but I ultimately had to go with Donovan’s genius creation of Zodac’s Pleasure Shack and the Fisto mention (he’s one of my favorites). How awesome would it be if we had cameras that took pictures directly to a Viewmaster reel? That would kick ass! Congratulations Donovan, you are a visionary and the winner of the He-Man Battle Damage T-Shirt! I had no idea The Sexy Armpit was being read in England! Unfortunately, the only parting gift I have for the contestants is a sincere THANK YOU to Eric and Laura for entering! I know…that’s a pretty lame parting gift, but it’s pretty low budget here at the Armpit.
A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered the contest and came up with such great names! I was excited to see how many responses I received. it was difficult, but after a painstaking elimination process I’ve chosen a winner! Even though I’ve chosen a name, (thanks Corinne!) I will be keeping the names on hand for possible use in other aspects of the site. I’ll announce the name of The Sexy Armpit girl in an upcoming post!
I find it funny that the He-Man T-Shirt contest hasn’t been anywhere near as successful as the Monstrous Halloween Prize pack giveaway was. It just goes to show, people would rather wear a shirt with an image of an unnamed hot chick leaning on a slimy N.J Turnpike sign than a Battle Armor He-Man Ringer T-Shirt. I suppose the action figure it’s inspired by has a real niche fan base. What am I saying? I nearly exploded with amazement when I saw that such an awesome shirt existed! That contest will be over at the end of the month if you’d still like to enter.
I can’t say I have any parting gifts to be announced by Johnny Gilbert or anything, but all of the names and ideas were very creative and made me laugh. If I had enough resources (money) you’d all get prize packs and then I can also save my house from being foreclosed on and having Troy’s father build a golf course over it. Trash the Goondocks.
Here’s some of the best entries:
Pitricia submitted by Richard
Obnoxia Grimm or get different chicks and number them after their TPK exits – submitted by Sal
Pike-slut Penny, The Jersey Swirl, Waxed Winona, Road Rash Roxy, Barbie Beefeater, Sin Sational, Janet “Slow Hand ” Jones, Siena Swallows, Sexy’s Squeeze, Connie Lingus, TeaBag Terry, Lolly Gagger – submitted by John from N.J
Felony Turnpike, Camden Bristol, or just…Jersey – submitted by Joe Sherlock aka Dr. Squid http://www.drsquid.net/ http://fandcproductions.blogspot.com/
Josey T. Urnpike submitted by Ace Johnson
There were several more but these were some of the most memorable. Based on creativity, number of ideas, and sheer determination of the contestant, the Monstrous Prize Pack goes to…
John from N.J! Congratulations! Thanks for being a part of The Sexy Armpit!
At the 11th hour, on the 11th day of the 11th month (there’s that number again!) World War 1 came to an end. 11/11 is now celebrated as Veterans Day, and in a completely unrelated coincidence…The Sexy Armpit’s birthday! Woooo-hoooo! The Big 0-4! I’ve taken the liberty to have Chef Allen of the Royal Palace whip up a special treat for all of us to enjoy. I figured it would help us celebrate such a momentous occasion!
I found this video while on a routine Google search. It’s He-Man footage with audio from The Big Lebowski!
Big Lebowski Vs He-Man — “He peed on my rug”
Starting this week:
1) The Sexy Armpit Halloween Countdown beginning with our review of New York City’s Blood Manor!
2) We’ll also have yet another Sexy Armpit Contest going on! This one will be going on all month long. More info within the next few days.
3) The He-Man Battle Armor T-Shirt contest is still going on! The deadline will be announced soon, most likely in the beginning of November. Enter by clicking the “CLICK HERE” link on the right side of the page.
4) Voting for The Sexy Armpit reader survey is going on now! Please take a minute to tell us what you’d like to see more of if you haven’t already voted.
As always, thank you for visiting The Sexy Armpit and in case you missed them here’s a few posts from last year’s Halloween Countdown!
Movie Review: Don’t Go To Sleep
Trick or Treating with Mr. Mom
Rob Zombie’s Hellbilly Halloween!
and reaching further back is a Sexy Armpit Classic:
I’ve always heard rumors that the transformation of Prince Adam into He-Man not only made him the most powerful man in the universe but also had a Viagra-like effect on his wang. While I’m not about to do a field study on this one, I can try to put myself in his position to properly understand the nature of the Beastman. We at The Sexy Armpit can’t be sure what team Prince Adam would actually be playing for considering his lavender tights, felt maroon vest, and cute little fuchsia power sword. All that aside, let’s give Adam the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a little flamboyant, but straight nonetheless ala Paul Stanley.
Have you ever neglected some important work and found yourself wondering how He-Man resisted hot bitches like Teela, Evil-Lynn, and She-Ra…oh wait…that was his sister! So what, Luke and Leia had no idea they were brother and sister and everyone thought they were gonna,“do it…eww!”
It’s time for a kick-ass contest here on The Sexy Armpit.com! You can win the above pictured, custom made “Battle Damaged” He-Man Ringer T-Shirt by answering the following 2 questions as creatively as possible:
1) If you were He-Man what Eternian/Etherian girl would want to bang and why. **This can include anyone from Queen Marlena (but you’re my mo—) to Frosta
2) What would you (as He-Man) do for your first date with her? I love being Chuck Woolery, he’s an idol of mine.
SEND ANSWERS and YOUR ADDRESS TO SEXYARMPIT@COMCAST.NET
Your information will be kept strictly confidential, although if your answers are good they’ll be featured in a future post!
Remember Armpiters, the Best, Funniest, and Most Original answer will win the custom made Battle Damage He-Man Ringer Tee!
For more in the world of Masters of the Universe, check out the awesome new blog Geek Orthodox. Reis is putting himself through the arduous labor of scanning all the old He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Mini-Comics for all of us to enjoy. Head over there and do some friggin’ enjoying.
