July 2009 - Page 2 of 2 - Sludge Central

Kip Winger Thursday: The Greatest Kip Winger Story Ever Told!!!

Posted on July 16, 2009September 5, 2018 by sexyarmpit

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Kip Winger Thursday, it’s a day that can alleviate some of the tension from the stresses of the economic crisis, the soaring unemployment rate, and other terrible atrocities. It’s a day when all we have to do is fondly recall the more carefree atmosphere of the days of ’80s hairbands. When the sunset strip was crawling with bands like Motley Crue and Guns N Roses and all was right in the world…well, my world at least. I think Stevie Rachelle said it best “When Def Leppard rocked and Skid Row Ruled,” in his song “American Hairband.” Grunge came in like a lion but it totally went out like a lamb. Nowadays who really cares about grunge anyway? Life is challenging, and depressing as it is so why would we want our music to make us even more angry and morose? Don’t you want to have fun and party?

During last week’s ’80s hard rock extravaganza aptly known as Rocklahoma, party is exactly what they did. For 4 days in Pryor, Oklahoma, fans of the genre relived the hairband glory days. It’s an opportunity to see your favorites from the era, as well as new bands who keep the scene alive like Wildstreet and Bang Camaro. Some of the classic bands that appeared this year were Anthrax, Overkill, RATT, Danger Danger, Kix, Nelson, Lizzy Borden, Skid Row, and Twisted Sister to name a few. The festival has been going on since 2007, and has been building up steam each year. The true fans show up hardcore, front and center for all 4 days! I happen to know one of those fans.

A friend of mine, Elise, wouldn’t miss Rocklahoma for the world. She takes her love of these bands to the next level.

On July 11th, 2009 at 1:04 AM, I received this text message from her:

“I just told Kip about u and KWT!!!!”

Apparently, Kip Winger was hanging out at the show and Elise had the chance to slyly slip in a mention for my ongoing Thursday meme dedicated to Kip Winger. To join in the fun, go to www.twitter.com/sexyarmpit. Kip was even in New Jersey a few weeks back and I had the opportunity to go to the show, but the idea of someone else telling Kip about Kip Winger Thursday felt so much cooler to me, especially coming from a girl who he was clearly digging! A BIG thanks from The Sexy Armpit, Elise!

Also, Bring Back Glam has an abundance of info on Rocklahoma and the reasons why it sucked this year, so head over and check out Allyson’s awesome blog.

Yoo-hoo vs. Nesquik (Vote for Your Favorite at the End of the Post)

Posted on July 14, 2009 by sexyarmpit

What comes to mind when you hear the word Yoo-hoo? All I hear is Janosz Poha interrupting poor Oscar’s sleepy time when he dropped by Dana Barret’s apartment unexpectedly. “YOO-HOO!” What a jerkoff. Only if he came bearing gifts, such as a six pack of cold delicious Yoo-hoo in glass bottles then he’d be forgiven.

Recently a few coworkers and I got into a heated debate as to which chocolate beverage is better, Nesquik or Yoo-hoo. If you’re one of the folks out there who thinks “milk was a bad choice,” then you may not enjoy chocolate milk to begin with. In that case you may take a pro-Yoo-hoo stance since it’s not technically full fledged chocolate milk, but “drink.” During my days of lunchboxes and brown paper bagged lunches, a Yoo-hoo drink box was always there to bring my mouth some chocolatey happiness. The one characteristic of Yoo-hoo that I’ve always enjoyed over typical chocolate milk is that it never felt like it weighed me down, it wasn’t thick and creamy like drinking a can of paint. Yoo-hoo’s lighter consistency helped broaden its drinkability to more situations than your average chocolate milk.

Yoo-hoo’s origin goes way back to the 1920’s when Natale Olivieri and his family sold his Tru-Fruit beverages out of their grocery store in New Jersey. Soon, Olivieri came up with a method of making chocolate flavored drinks that never went bad thanks to a special bottling process that eliminated spoilage. So if you have old Yoo-hoo in your pantry, if it’s sealed it will never go bad! Boosting it’s stock even more, Yoo-hoo sticks to its Jersey roots as it operates a plant in Carlstadt, NJ.

Here’s one of my favorite Yoo-hoo commercials from the ’80s. It was pretty cheesy then, but now it’s classic.

As far as nutrition goes, Yoo-hoo offers more vitamins and minerals than Nesquik. In that contest, Yoo-hoo wins 7-5. Nesquik contains saturated fat and cholesterol while Yoohoo has ZERO in those categories. For the health conscious, Yoo-hoo is the better choice. Like Nesquik, Yoo-hoo offers a variety of flavors in addition to chocolate, but they are more of a challenge to find considering the hunt you need to embark on to find plain, original Yoo-hoo.

Baseball fans may jump on the Yoo-hoo bandwagon since legends Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra have both hawked the drink. Simpsons loyalists know what Yoo-hoo is all about since Yoo-hoo promoted a sweepstakes in 2003 featuring The Simpsons, one of America’s longest running primetime shows.

For those who do consider artery clogging, mucilaginous milk to be refreshing, well there was always Nesquik or as I remember it…Quik. Can you even remember a time when Nestle wasn’t so egomaniacal that they didn’t feel the need to muscle their companies name into one of their products? It wasn’t until 1999 that Nestle Quik became Nesquik in the U.S and several other countries. Personally, I was fine with calling it Nestle’s Quik, I think it sounded better. Nesquik offers strawberry and vanilla varieties, and it’s still available in the classic powder mix.

Nowadays, Nesquik is widely associated with its yellow plastic bottles found in the refrigerated sections of 7-11’s and Quick Chek’s. Although, if you grew up in the ’70s or ’80s then you’re probably more familiar with mixing Quik powder into a glass of milk. Dane Cook’s bit about Nestle Quik’s “powdery magma” exploding in his face, and being all “hopped up on the Q” really sums up its appeal to children. My mom was always apprehensive to allow me to mix up some Quik, because something in her head told her it would be a disastrous event. She was usually right.

Points go to Nesquik for having a fairly cool bunny mascot. In a ridiculous move, the Quik bunny used to wear a “Q” on his shirt now wears an “N” to stand for Nesquik. The shit is still Quik!!! The f–king bunny needs a Q! The Nesquik Bunny also appears on the front of the Nesquik Cereal box which is something else Yoo-hoo doesn’t offer consumers. Nesquik cereal ain’t too shabby. Even if it’s similar to Cocoa Puffs, it’s got smaller balls, cocoa balls that is. Smaller balls aren’t the only indication that Nesquik cereal is basically a Cocoa Puffs knockoff, Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird is 50,000 times more insane that the non-threatening Quik Bunny. Talk about hopped up on the Q!

If you’re still undecided as to who should win this grudge match, take a further look at some Yoo-hoo and Nesquik related links:

OK so, I’ll admit that Yoo-hoo is lacking in the cool mascot department, especially one who happens to be really good at Atari and goes on adventures with Superman. Yoo-hoo has a lot of catching up to do in that category. May I suggest Dr. Janosz Poha?

Yoo-hoo’s official page

Creative Loafing’s blog The Daily Loaf has a fine post on how to make “The Hooville Martini,” a delicious sounding alcoholic concoction that incorporates Yoo-hoo.

Shawn Robare’s modern masterpiece at Branded in the ’80s: his discovery of what’s written on the underside of Yoo-hoo’s cardboard packing, its eventual conspiracy theory and the comic book it inspired.

Retro Planet’s Character of the week all about the Nestle Quik Bunny

5 Reasons Yoo-hoo Rocks My Socks, by Ken Tuccio

The Nesquik Bunny’s Bobblehead and plush doll

Nesquik’s official page

One of Quik’s best commercials, the bunny’s all strung out:

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 21: Jason Takes New Jersey!

Posted on July 13, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Nothing would have broken my listlessness upon hearing the news that one of my favorite horror franchises would be getting the goldigging Hollywood reboot. At that point, not even Jason Voorhees stabbing me through my brain couldn’t have elicited a response from me. In fact, Jason himself could’ve launched himself out of Crystal Lake, jogged to my condo, crashed through my window, and took off his hockey mask and told me personally that Michael Bay would be bringing him to life once again and I would’ve shook my head somberly with a question mark floating over my head. I have to accept that remakes are and always will be a fact of life, and I have to take the good and take the bad like Tootie did.

That’s right folks, we must gauge the threat level of all these ridiculous remakes, prequels, and reboots. My lack of enthusiasm level was at SEVERE when I first heard the news of the Friday the 13th reboot, but after seeing the film, the level dropped to a breezy blue which is merely referred to as GUARDED. What was one of the reasons for the decrease? Why of course it was the fact that the filmmakers didn’t ignore the original film’s New Jersey roots!

Originally, I read on several websites that the new F13 would not be filmed in New Jersey, but in Texas. My mind conjured up the idea that this new version would reference Texas as the new home of Camp Crystal Lake, which worried me to the point where I didn’t even want to see the film. It wasn’t much of a stretch since the filmmakers may have wanted to pay tribute to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I was appreciative when I saw the scene where the gang drives to a convenience store for some gas and munchies. Their black Escalade was all duked out in a couple of New Jersey license plates! I felt like 3PO after an oil bath.

I can’t speak for the legions of fans of Freddy and Jason, but personally I cringe at the fact that movies from my youth have been primped and given cute little bows like when the Cowardly Lion was turned into a sweet little girl after a makeover in the Wizard of Oz. What little bit of ferocity he exuded was depleted right at that moment. At one time, ’80s horror franchises had more in common with the Scarecrow. After a while he kept losing his hay and stuffing, and if he didn’t get re-stuffed he wouldn’t survive. I suppose if Freddy didn’t start wearing cool sunglasses on the beach, playing video games, and uttering cringeworthy puns that made Robin the Boy Wonder seem like he was doing amateur night at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, NJ, then maybe the Nightmare on Elm Street series would’ve died after Dream Warriors. Jason Voorhees was the wiser of the two since he packed up his shit and went into space! He knew that only something that outlandish would spell certain doom for his series. While not completely horrible, 2009’s Friday the 13th could have been more memorable, but it was a satisfying film, and it gave NJ the props it deserved.

Read Volume 16: The Legend of Jason Voorhees Begins!

KISS: Rare Footage from The Stone Pony on YouTube!

Posted on July 9, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I’m super excited for the new KISS album that’s slated to be released later this year. The album is a throwback to the hardest rocking KISS albums of the ’70s. The band has even gone to the length of hiring Michael Doret, the artist responsible for the iconic Rock and Roll Over album cover. If that news doesn’t make your demon blood pump insanely fast then you are NOT a member of the KISS Army!

The Sexy Armpit will now take you back to April 14th, 1990 courtesy of RustyBlade69, the awesome person who posted this super rare KISS footage on YouTube. These 2 performances are from the Hot in the Shade Tour which made its second stop at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, NJ! At this show, KISS performed “Betrayed,” a track written by Gene and Tommy that has rarely (if ever) been performed since. The audience at The Pony that night were treated to an intimate KISS show full of classic KISS songs, and unknowingly Eric Carr’s last tour. Eric Carr will always be my favorite drummer and one of the best of all time. I’m thankful that concert footage like this will always be available so I can experience his thunderous drumming at my whim.

Watch these videos because it’s doubtful KISS will play The Stone Pony ever again, unless they are on the “We’re really serious about retiring because Gene’s got dentures and Paul’s still fluffing his hair while riding around the stage in a motorized cart Tour.” It’s a mouthful, but bet your ass it will sell out.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 9: Bikinis or Wife Beaters?

Posted on July 8, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Male Sexy Armpit readers will most likely cast their vote for BIKINIS, but don’t count Wife Beaters out so quickly in this match up. Sure it’s a nice visual to think about a blazing hot day at the Jersey shore watching a smoking hot Jersey girl make her way out of the crystal blue water, OK maybe not so much crystal blue as it is murky green, but you catch my drift. Of course it’s not like watching Ursula Andress slither out of the water in Dr. No, but it’s the closest we come to that kind of sex appeal here in a state blanketed with toxic waste. It’s a miracle all the girls at the shore aren’t popping out of the water looking like mutated 3-eyed zombies. Perhaps it’s the fact that we have some decent women in this state that they’re all so proud of themselves that they’re “Jersey girls?” Instead of bragging about being Jersey girls why don’t they just say “Yay! we’re not mutants!” that’s what the t-shirts should be saying.

Without hesitation the choice between Bikinis and Wife Beaters would be a no brainer, but once you disassociate the wife beater from the greasy fat guy on the couch eating chicken, then we have ourselves a contest. Believe it or not, the Guinea Tee or A-Shirt as it’s known, can also look good on a woman! No shit you say? Just erase all the bad memories of hairy backed slimeballs who have given these useless styled undershirts a bad name. Hell, they gave these shirts such a bad name that their inclination for domestic abuse snowballed into becoming a widely accepted nickname for the shirts. So before you completely lose all hope for the regulation jersey for men who beat their wives, think about the lovely, doting wife with big boobs posing ever so innocently in a semi-see-through wife beater for their cold, uncaring husband. Her headlights are on and all they want is some attention, can’t we just give them that? Ahh, Who the f–k am I kidding? BIKINIS!!!

This week, the fine T-shirts pictured above are available through BurnTees.com where they offer all kinds of funny and sarcastic New Jersey themed shirts in addition to a host of others. Check them out!

Blue Milk & The Technicolor Twilight Zone

Posted on July 2, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I’m a big supporter of writers and journalism in general but the article pictured above from the April 2009 issue of Family Fun Magazine is pretty damn awful. Absurd as a matter of fact. Linda Ann Daffron from Ramsey, NJ offers a “magical” prank for the kids in the family to try, most likely on one of their parents, (whichever one ISN’T reading the article and explaining to them how to pull it off). Here’s the short version of the directions 1) Get a cereal bowl and squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bowl (blue food coloring pictured) 2) Pour dry cereal into the bowl and then once the unsuspecting schmuck pours milk into the cereal bowl they’ll have a bowl full of blue milk to surprise them. Is putting food coloring in a cereal bowl really that big of a trick, oh wait sorry, a “deliciously deceptive ruse?” Family Fun Magazine clearly thinks it is.

Here’s how the prank may unfold: “OH MY GOD! MY EFFING MILK IS BLUE!!! I feel totally PUNKED right now! I hope you didn’t videotape my reaction because I would’ve literally gone into massive seizures.” Will the family member really think they entered a “Technicolor Twilight Zone?” Wow, I want to enter that zone in a bad way. I thought I actually was there for a short period of time back in the mid ’90s when every stoner was trying their best to bring back tie-dye shirts. Just a hunch, but whoever wrote this one up must not be at all familiar with Boo Berry (it’s only existed for over 35 years), and it’s also safe to assume they missed the boat on Superman Crunch. These two offerings are examples of cereals that turn your milk blue without the assistance of food coloring. It’s a much easier world we live in, one where we don’t need no stinkin’ food coloring to turn our milk blue.

C’mon Linda, give me a break, you couldn’t do any better than that? Are you even a real person? Writers occasionally like to make up names and places in order to give the impression of realism. After you read the article it seems as if FAMILY FUN is getting a half ton of reader mail (or a kajillion as I’ve been referring to it as lately). People must be clamoring like maniacs to throw in their two cents on what wacky prank should be spotlighted next month. I actually feel bad ripping the mag, but can they really expect us to believe that parents and other fully grown human beings aren’t aware of the basic concept of food coloring? It’s not like 3 year old Tyler is going to be skimming microfiche machines for old periodicals that may help him cook up his next whimsical caper.

And as for our New Jersey friend Linda, stop trying to reinvent the wheel OK? Next thing you know you’ll be telling us we could use food coloring to dye Easter eggs, now that would just be a downright insult because we all know that’s utterly impossible. Are the folks in Ramsey, NJ not being kept busy enough in their lives that they have time to send in these radtacular ideas? I hope to Zod that Linda doesn’t go around to her weekly social gatherings spewing out little tricks for the kids to do. I got news for you Linda, you’re making people’s lives completely miserable. Oh, you know I’m just kidding with you Lind, you’re awesome…you just have too much damn time on your hands.

A Closer Look:

As you can see, the wacky multicolored font used in the word PRANKS, and the white “A” and exclamation mark, seem to signify that things are a little off kilter. There’s that little rambunctious kid in the circle (possibly a neighbor who we think has no family), not sure if its a boy or a girl, but does it really matter? Whatever their sex is, they are clearly rascally and live for getting into trouble and hijinks (one can assume this thanks to the obligatory head nod/eye wink combo…believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of one of these or you may have flashbacks to films like Problem Child or Home Alone). Even “Gotcha!” is spelled out as if the wicked head nod/eye wink combo didn’t overly explain that one enough. On a completely unrelated note, why did they decide that the traditionally white speech balloon should now be orange? Is it just because they’re all about color coordination with silly Billy’s polo shirt he’s rocking? Maybe that was a prank too! Uh-oh, here comes Linda with her good ol’ Photoshop pranks! Prank #1: How to turn your speech bubble ORANGE!

To all the dairy companies out there: End this Magic Milk Bowl bullshit once and for all. Skip the middle man (food coloring) and finally market Blue Milk or Blue Skim Milk (for those of us in Jedi training). It seems like a no brainer to me. Hey George Lucas, could you pass up a mutually beneficial partnership with a dairy company to sell a nutritious drink for all us Star Wars nerds to gulp down? Tuscan Dairy, and Parmalat are you listening?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 8: I Love D’Jais

Posted on July 1, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Not even McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas is exempt from having a real live, genuine New Jersey guido leave his mark there. And not even the NJ guido in his “plane clothes” can escape from having his picture snapped by The Sexy Armpit.

There’s nothing worse than waiting endless hours in the airport seating area for your flight to board. You could imagine my wide-eyed amazement when I looked directly in front of me and saw a guido wearing a shirt that he could get away with wearing only in Belmar, NJ OR 2,000 miles away from NJ. This guy’s shirt had “I (heart) D’Jais” printed on it. Trust me, my Corey Feldman Center for the Arts T-Shirt is radically more publicly acceptable than this. He may as well have been wearing a shirt that said “I’m a huge guido,” because that’s exactly what that shirt translates to.

It was like a National Geographic episode where we have a bird’s eye view of the guido secreting his cologne/B.O stench and talking obnoxiously on his cell phone. It was a rare occasion to have such a photo op since the guido’s blown out hair was concealed by a hat, he wasn’t wearing tight black pants, and there was also the absence of a tight, shiny, purple button down shirt. The tan was still prevalent which is indicated by the blatant gun show that he’s putting on for the poor disinterested folks waiting for their flight.

Right now, most of you not from New Jersey are saying what the hell is D’Jais? Well, in short, it’s the guido capital of the entire universe. If space aliens were to tune in their “guidar,” a HUGE blip would appear blinking incessantly like a strobe light at D’Jais in Belmar, NJ. You can tell by their websites ridiculously loud thumping beats that dudes go there to dance like idiots and sweat like maniacs. The guys that go there are so cool Richard Grieco couldn’t even touch them.

No self respecting human being should step off the airplane with an “I Love D’Jais” shirt. What’s crazy is that this guy was parading around Las Vegas with this shirt on, proud as a peacock. Of course, as soon as that thought crossed my mind, we hopped on the plane and noticed him slip an Ed Hardy shirt over this one. I guess he didn’t heart D’Jais that much.

Month: July 2009