sexyarmpit, Author at Sludge Central

I’m Michael Knight with The Knight Rider GPS by Mio

Posted on September 24, 2008 by sexyarmpit

I never said I wasn’t a big dork. After all, I’d have to be one to purchase a nearly $300 dollar Knight Rider Portable GPS for my car in order to pretend that I’m driving around like Michael Knight in KITT. I was excited to see the FedEx girl on Saturday afternoon. Not for the obvious reasons, but because she had my Knight Rider GPS by Mio.

I can’t find many flaws with the Knight Rider GPS. I have it set to a personalized greeting “Hello Jay, where would you like to go today?” delivered in the original KITT voice of William Daniels! So far the directions have been accurate although I haven’t had an opportunity to use it while driving somewhere that I’ve never been to before. That’s the real test that will determine if it’s worth the money. A feature that comes in handy aside from directions is that it highlights any restaurants, gas stations, and other points of interest. I’m a GPS novice so I’m still fairly enthusiastic about the product, but I know before long I’ll probably want to throw it out the window while I’m doing 70 mph down the smelly New Jersey Turnpike.

The GPS module is small, sleek, and lightweight. The red KITT flashing lights pulse when William Daniels is directing you on where to turn. You won’t need to buy any accessories either! It comes fully equipped with a touchscreen, mounting system, rechargeable battery, lighter adapter, and USB cable.

The only minor annoyance is the many warning screens you receive, but I’d imagine that’s the same on other GPS systems. The GPS will tell you constantly that you may encounter toll roads on your route even if you know for a fact that you won’t drive on any! It’ll also warn you not to interface with the GPS while driving. BOO! With all the stuff I see people doing while driving such as reading books, doing their makeup, and trying to dial their cell phones, touching a screen in front of you doesn’t seem like such a crime. Isn’t this device helping me fight crime? By having it tell me not to use it while driving might interfere with me nabbing a criminal mastermind.

I do recommend the Knight Rider GPS especially if you were a fan of the original Knight Rider TV show. This is a pretty amazing and functional collectible. Check out the video and review courtesy of Knight Rider Online:
http://knightrideronline.com/news/2008/06/mio_knight_rider_gps_has_voice.php

Then check out the official Mio site for the GPS here:
http://www.knightridergps.com/

The premiere of the new Knight Rider series airs tonight on NBC but it’s also featured online if you can’t wait!
http://www.nbc.com/Knight_Rider/

Name That Tune Eighties DVD Game Review

Posted on September 23, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Could Name That Tune Eighties DVD game triumph over RIFF the reigning champion of DVD music trivia games? Will it’s bargain basement price tag of $7.99 (I got a deal on amazon it’s usually $25.00!) prove to be a sign of weakness? We’ll see how it unfolds in this review.

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why this game sucks royally. I usually find DVD games amusing even though they’re notorious for churning out repeat questions and having fairly long loading times. Fortunately, load times were fast on this one but some questions that came up were significantly difficult especially for the unnatural amount of trivia that resides in my cluttered attic of a brain. Other than those few gems the game is super easy. I did get the same question a few times and it was the first time I played the damn game! Another gripe I had is the way the scores are announced isn’t as easy to understand as in RIFF. A few times, I found myself wondering if the score was even accurate.

Name That Tune Eighties provides at the very least, a few different options not usually seen in music trivia games. First is the option to play a 25, 50, or 80 point game, depending on how much time you have to waste. Players also have the option to steal points from their opponent, play for bonus points, or go double or nothing, while the standard question rakes in 5 points.

Among other strikes against it, this game omits a simple yet important feature. When you get a question wrong the game doesn’t provide the correct answer! That was probably my biggest disappointment with the game since there’s times that I’m able to remember stuff just because it was the answer to a trivia question in a recent game I played. Name That Tune not only fails with frequent repeat questions but it also gives variations on the same questions which is worse! At least a repeat question can be forgiveable but if you know anything about the Georgia Satellites you might be the heavyweight champ of this game. Obviously, no one should know that much about the Georgia Satellites.

Here’s an example of one of it’s lame questions: “Listen to the song and try to remember who sang it.” A royalty free muzaky version of the Miami Vice theme song plays. Naturally the correct answer is the songs composer Jan Hammer. There’s no lyrics in the instrumental song so the game should’ve been smart enough to modify it’s question.

’80s trivia is not all bad. One feather in it’s cap is that you can steal points away from your opponent and you’re ability to bet on your chances of answering the question. You only have a few chances to do that so don’t blow through them too quickly. The game also features other music trivia in addition to the general “Name That Tune” questions. Considering it’s flaws I’ll admit that I still had a good time playing this game but it doesn’t come close to the heated arguments that have arisen from bouts of RIFF! I’ll recommend giving it a try only since it’s price was so reasonable. Don’t let the glow of the covers flashy neon fool you, if it’s over $10 you’re getting ripped off.

Battle Armor He-Man T-Shirt Contest!

Posted on September 23, 2008 by sexyarmpit

I’ve always heard rumors that the transformation of Prince Adam into He-Man not only made him the most powerful man in the universe but also had a Viagra-like effect on his wang. While I’m not about to do a field study on this one, I can try to put myself in his position to properly understand the nature of the Beastman. We at The Sexy Armpit can’t be sure what team Prince Adam would actually be playing for considering his lavender tights, felt maroon vest, and cute little fuchsia power sword. All that aside, let’s give Adam the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a little flamboyant, but straight nonetheless ala Paul Stanley.

Have you ever neglected some important work and found yourself wondering how He-Man resisted hot bitches like Teela, Evil-Lynn, and She-Ra…oh wait…that was his sister! So what, Luke and Leia had no idea they were brother and sister and everyone thought they were gonna,“do it…eww!”

It’s time for a kick-ass contest here on The Sexy Armpit.com! You can win the above pictured, custom made “Battle Damaged” He-Man Ringer T-Shirt by answering the following 2 questions as creatively as possible:

1) If you were He-Man what Eternian/Etherian girl would want to bang and why. **This can include anyone from Queen Marlena (but you’re my mo—) to Frosta

2) What would you (as He-Man) do for your first date with her? I love being Chuck Woolery, he’s an idol of mine.

SEND ANSWERS and YOUR ADDRESS TO SEXYARMPIT@COMCAST.NET
Your information will be kept strictly confidential, although if your answers are good they’ll be featured in a future post!

Remember Armpiters, the Best, Funniest, and Most Original answer will win the custom made Battle Damage He-Man Ringer Tee!

For more in the world of Masters of the Universe, check out the awesome new blog Geek Orthodox. Reis is putting himself through the arduous labor of scanning all the old He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Mini-Comics for all of us to enjoy. Head over there and do some friggin’ enjoying.

The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to Becoming an Official Ghostbuster

Posted on September 19, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Rumors have been swirling about another Ghostbusters film and I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us welcome the new film but have to see it to believe it. Aside from the possible new installment, we as Ghostbusters fans have a lot to look forward to. Not only is there an upcoming Ghostbusters video game, but there’s also the forthcoming DVD release of the entire run of The Real Ghostbusters animated series! In order to properly prepare yourself for all this bustin’ you’ll be engaged in, you’ll need to be put through proper training.

STEP 1: Head over to Shawn Robare’s Branded in the ’80s where last year he posted an excellent scan of The Official Ghostbusters Training Manual. I ordered this from the Troll book club back when I was in elementary school. The anticipation to get this book from the time I ordered it to the time I got it was unbearable. I still have the book in great condition but since Shawn’s entry and scans were masterfully done, there was no need for me to scan in mine as well. If you’re not already an official Ghostbuster than I recommend you go through the training. If you make it through successfully than you will receive a Certificate of Achievement stating that you are now an official Ghostbuster.

STEP 2: You got the talent, so you now need the tools! Go into your messy closet and dig out your old proton pack, PKE meter, and Ghost Trap. If you don’t have yours anymore, prepare to spend upwards of $100 at least for Kenner’s classic RGB toy on eBay. Another possibility is finding an actual replica of the pack on eBay like the one pictured to the left. Shipping on the item is $125, so you may be better off fashioning a proton pack of your own. You can consult Squidoo for an entry all about homemade proton packs!

STEP:3 You can’t catch ghosts in your Mumm-Ra t-shirt. Get your Ghostbusters His and Hers jumpsuits! Or if you’ve used the LAST of the petty cash on some magnificent feast, then go here to get a Ghostbusters uniform T-Shirt. This is reminiscent of the ever popular “tuxedo t-shirt” that we joke about but secretly would love to wear to an upscale gathering.

STEP 4: Make your Official Ghostbusters ID card. I actually still have my original Ghostbusters ID Card that came with the proton pack. I scanned in the card and deleted my name and old address which was scrawled by a 5 or 6 year old ME! It’s ready to be filled out and flashed at spooked hotel owners everywhere. All you need to do is print it, fill it out, fold it in the middle, and if you’re feeling saucy you might even want to laminate that sumbitch!

For a more professional look, head over to GBfans.com. They feature a promotion called “Create a Custom Ghostbusters ID Badge.” Their ID’s look very professional and I’m sure your card will grant you access into the firehouse with no problem. Access to the protection grid is another story!

Congratulations! Now all you need to do is wait for the call! Or hang out under Janine Melnitz’s desk!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.7: Who Watches The Watchmen? New Jersey Does!

Posted on September 18, 2008 by sexyarmpit

If you’re worth your weight in geek, you can’t wait for The Watchmen movie to be released. It’s sure to be an excruciating 6 months, and even the slightest Watchmen reference doesn’t calm my anxious anticipation. Hopefully the court will rule in favor of allowing Watchmen to be released on schedule that way we won’t have to continue pulling our hair out and re-watching the first chapter of the motion comic on iTunes for the fifty-thousandth time! In the meantime, you’re in luck you Sexy Armpiters! You can temporarily calm those nerves because there are a few references to New Jersey in the pages of the classic Watchmen comic book series! Don’t worry, there’s no spoilers here, so if you haven’t read Watchmen you can still enjoy this post! Shame on you…READ WATCHMEN NOW!

Chapter IV: Watchmaker centers around the most interesting and cool looking character in Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan. Jon Osterman a.k.a Dr. Manhattan holds a PH.D in Atomic Physics from Princeton University, in New Jersey. An Ivy League school, Princeton boasts graduates ranging from U.S presidents to dropouts such as Bruce Wayne, as well as serving as the location for several scenes in the upcoming Transformers 2 Revenge of the Fallen.

According to Wikipedia here’s what Osterman DIDN’T learn while matriculating at Princeton: “Manhattan’s powers include superhuman strength, the ability to teleport himself or others, the manipulation of matter at a subatomic level, and near total clairvoyance.” Oh yeah, Manhattan can also fix watches which isn’t traditionally that cool but proves to be a gift that gets him laid!
In this chapter, we also find out that the mother of Manhattan’s former flame Janey Slater lives in New Jersey. Janey and Jon decide to kill some time at an amusement park while waiting for Janey’s mother to get home.
Dr. Manhattan reflects on an old photo of himself with his past girlfriend taken at Palisades Amusement Park in N.J. You may remember Freddy Cannon singing about falling in love at “Palisades Park,” a song he recorded that was written by Chuck Barris and later covered by The Ramones. Palisades Amusement park featured the largest salt water wave pool in the country, thanks to water pumping in from the Hudson River. (ewwww! what were they thinking? lol) Presently there’s a high rise luxury apartment complex built on it’s property, but in it’s day the wildly popular Palisades Park was the place to be. Dr. Manhattan wasn’t reminiscing about Coney Island now was he? How ’bout that, huh?

Brought To You By The Number 11

Posted on September 11, 2008October 26, 2020 by sexyarmpit

What’s your favorite number? Do you even have a favorite number? Is it completely lame to have a favorite number? Does this topic even garner enough attention to require a full post devoted to it? I’m sure it will once I tell you that the number 11 has been exiled. I know what your thinking right now. “C’mon Jay, are you that fresh out of ideas that you couldn’t come up with your usual geeky or perverse material?” The survey says: We’ll have plenty of time for the usual stuff, but for now keep in mind how much we revered numbers back in our Sesame Street days:

I bet the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the number “11” is the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01. Not only was the date 9/11 but one of the hijacked planes was American Airlines flight 11. On the anniversary of 9/11 it’s certainly not a proper time to be discussing vulgar tirades in movies, why I want to bang Janine Melnitz, and other useless crap that makes me such a geek. I’d like to get serious for a moment and recognize the number 11 for all its positive accomplishments. The number 11 has held much significance in my life and with that kind of service I hate to see it being cast out as a tragic, unlucky number. As you’ll read in this article 11 is not all bad, and it sure as hell isn’t the loneliest number.

You’ll hear a lot of people say their lucky number is 7. Not only do 7 and 11 share the moniker of a famous convenience store but they also have other similarities. Even though the attack on Pearl Harbor happened on 12/7/41, you don’t see people treating the number 7 like Dr. Richard Kimble, do you? It’s number prejudice! 11/11 is veterans day and it symbolized the end of WW1. So next time you roll up to get a Big Gulp or a Slurpee, take a moment to contemplate the long and storied relationship of numbers 7 and 11.

The world of rock music also has several ties to the number 11. Perhaps the most well known is Spinal Tap who can turn their amps “up to 11” even though others only go to 10. Since then, “Turn it up to 11” has become a rock cliché. My birthday falls on 3/11 and an easy way to get people to remember it is to think of the band 311. They got their name from an indecent exposure ticket issued by the Omaha Police Department which had the code 3.11 on it. Motley Crue founder and rock icon Nikki Sixx heads up Eleven Seven Music, (another instance of the classic 7-11 pairing) a record label that features Crue, Buckcherry, and Marion Raven. On their album Move Along, The All American Rejects feature a song titled 11:11. At some point I’m sure you’ve heard someone (usually a girl) say “it’s 11:11 make a wish.” Then you went on to wish for one night alone with Angelina Jolie instead of the sloppy mess who told you to make the wish.

Recently, after I told my boss that there are all these coincidences regarding my favorite number he immediately thought of 9/11. “You need to change that number” he warned me. I’m not known to be superstitious or reject honest, innocent numerals so I will continue praising the awesome number 11. Through the years of having anniversaries on the date and the number 11 etched on my basketball and track jerseys how can I abandon it now? You expect me to wrap the number in bloody towels and throw it in the trash? No way! I’m hoping it will help me out since I’m off to Las Vegas in a couple of days and 11 is no stranger to sin city. In Blackjack, the ace can be counted as 1 or 11, whichever benefits the player. Also, the 1960 heist film Oceans 11 featuring the Rat Pack and it’s 2001 remake are both considered to be 2 of the best Vegas films of all time. Will 11 be my lucky number in Vegas?

Wikipedia has an exhaustive entry on the meaning of the number 11 and its references in pop culture. Here are a few that are included in that entry and some others as well:

– There’s eleven players per team on the field during an NFL football game. The New York Giants are the only team to retire a #11 jersey.

– The first manned spacecraft to land on the moon was Apollo 11

– The average adult male heart weighs 11 ounces

– The eleventh hour is known as a time of urgency

– Ben Hur, Titanic, and Lord of the Rings have each won 11 Academy Awards.

– Mash and Cheers both ran for 11 seasons

**During an “11” Google search I found a page that is just asinine. The site is called “Joy Greetings” but features a picture of the twin towers ablaze. It lists all the numeral coincidences surrounding 9/11. This struck me as ridiculous since there’s no “joy” to be had when thinking of that day and how it relates to being a “greeting” is beyond me. Somewhere the person that runs that site is raking in a ton of money from traffic revenue.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.6: Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Posted on September 10, 2008 by sexyarmpit

They weren’t lying in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, we New Jerseyans can really put away massive amounts of White Castle burgers. Although, I’d hate to disappoint you, not everyone in New Jersey is a stoner but we definitely have our fair share of characters who are. The legendary Jay and Silent Bob oh so proudly enjoyed some herbal refreshments: “who smokes the blunts, we smoke the blunts!” and then Harold and Kumar followed in their footsteps, albeit in a more nerdy and culturally diverse way. The film depicts their wild and outlandish journey to get some White Castles to feed their craving.

As I’ve mentioned in the previous installments of New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments, (or NJ’sGPCM’s if you’re into the whole brevity thing) is that seeing a film or TV show where your state and surrounding cities get name dropped is really freakin’ cool. Even though the film gives the impression that it’s 100% Jersey, Harold and Kumar was filmed mostly in Canada and Los Angeles. Filming in New Jersey is expensive but there are some scenes filmed in Hoboken N.J and on the Garden State Parkway.

On their quest for some sliders, Harold and Kumar hold up traffic at a toll because their change didn’t activate the light to go green. Every car horn explodes because the impatient Jersey drivers can’t handle the delay. In usual Jersey style, the raging, belligerent a-hole behind them sticks his head out the window and screams at them: “Hey MOVE YOUR ASS!…MOVE YOU FUCKING TWAT…MOVE YOU RETARDED COCK SUCKER! MOVE!” That’s a typical day on the road in Jersey. God has granted you peace if you live in another state. If so, bless you, you’ll be able to live a calm, stress free life.

After getting cursed off, Harold and Kumar get off at the wrong exit and wind up in Newark. Kumar had the exact same sentiments we all have when we’re driving through Newark: “You know we’re gonna get shot!” From there, the boys get to New Brunswick just to find out that the lame Burger Shack has replaced White Castle! It seemed to be one disappointment after another until the guys are hiding from security in the girls bathroom. Then they had to suffer through two hot British girls playing a little game called “battleshits.”

The film featured a few notable cameos. Jaime Kennedy turned in possibly the creepiest performance he’s ever done, and Ryan Reynolds played a supergay doctor. It’s just a hunch, but something tells me that the Johnny come lately’s are going to be snatching copies of Harold and Kumar up so they can see Silk Spectre II’s boobies if they missed it the first time. That’s right, Malin Akerman plays Liane the hot girlfriend of the disgusting Freakshow. And I cannot forget Neil Patrick Harris’ brilliant, horny, drug induced appearance before he came out with his gay revelation.
Look out for Kumar’s love montage with a gigantic bag of weed to the tune of Heart’s “Crazy on You.” It’s one of the most hysterical scenes ever, especially after Kumar backhands the bag of weed: “Learn how to make coffee you fucking whore!” Even though I haven’t watched the sequel yet, I salute Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle for being a modern Jersey classic!

The Most Embarrassing Songs on My iPod

Posted on September 9, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Everyone’s bound to experience one of those “uh-oh” moments if an embarrassing song starts playing on your iPod. Picture it, you’re rolling down the main street of your town, windows down, iPod on shuffle mode, and you have your friends in the car. Right after rocking out to “Welcome to the Jungle,” you hear the beginning chords of “Sexy Boy” the Shawn Michaels’ theme song or the Native American war chant that kicks off Tatanka’s theme song. Some of you may not even realize that they’re both WWE theme songs and in that case you may sidestep some shame. Although, you have to admit that at least a little part of you would squirm in your seat a bit.

How about when your iPod segues from Rob Zombie’s “Superbeast” right into “How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston? It’s totally cool to have Whitney on your iPod, especially if its one of her big hits, but when you’re in the car with a bunch of guy friends, and at the very least trying to act cool, your attempts are murdered by the sweet sound of synthesizers. You can win people over with goofy favorites like Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go,” but if their song “Freedom” comes on then your stock descends faster than the Delorean running low on plutonium. (pre-Mr. Fusion of course)

Having your friends ask you to unlock their car doors so they could tumble out while you’re still driving is a possibility if they hear you have the Baywatch theme song on your iPod. Whereas “Break the Ice” by John Farnham from the Rad soundtrack will actually give you street cred with those “in the know.” It’s possible to save yourself when a song comes on that the person doesn’t know but you’ll have to have a good enough story and reason for giving it the push to your almighty iPod. Here’s some examples: You can be forgiven for having Winger’s “Seventeen,” since it’s fun and nostalgic, but once you start digging into their catalog and “Out for the Count” from Karate Kid 3 comes on, then there’s not much that can save you at that point. Don’t let me forget “California” by Phantom Planet. It’s not really the song’s fault as much as it’s what I do when I’m listening to it. I reminisce about scenes from the O.C in a blurry, dramatic, tear-laden montage in my mind. I’ll dig deeper for you as I present a compendium of some of the most embarrassing songs on my iPod:

The Oompa Loopa Song from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
WWE Songs – The Boogeyman theme “Im the Boogeyman and I’m coming to get you!” and
Land of a Thousand Dances
Play That Funky Music by Vanilla Ice – Shit, how is it that you’re the life of the party if you play “Ninja Rap,” but you may as well crawl into a kitchen cabinet if “Roll ‘em Up” comes on.
Skeet Surfin’ by Nick Rivers/Val Kilmer – Top Secret Soundtrack
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Song – Even though they’re the world’s most fearsome fighting team, you’re friend’s cut you no slack. Just hearing this theme emerge from a segue will always illicit some sort of heckle, so you’re lucky if you’re in the car with a fellow fan boy. That date of yours sure won’t be impressed that you’d rather listen to theme songs of old cartoons rather than Ne-Yo or Rhianna.
Other TV Theme Songs – Muppet Show, Charles in Charge, Mr. Belvedere, Perfect Strangers, Pee wee’s Playhouse Theme by Ellen Shaw (Cyndi Lauper). An interesting fact is that the Saved by the Bell theme song is always an overwhelming cross gender favorite.
King Tut – Steve Martin It’s a very funny song, but trying to hustle it to someone who’s never heard it proves challenging.
I’m Breathless songs inspired by the film Dick Tracy by Madonna Depending on your company in the car this album was obviously more embarrassing than Swept Away and Shangai Surprise combined.
Video Game Theme Songs – The magical songs from Alex Kidd in Miracle World make you come off like a real geek but you can get away with songs from Out Run because they sound like some underground new wave revival band from NYC. You can’t go wrong with the Super Mario brothers theme.
I Wanna Have Some Fun – Samantha Fox
Da Ya Think I’m Sexy? by Rod Stewart – I don’t care, I still love it.
Hot Rod Hearts – Robbie Dupree
Give it To Me Baby – Rick James
Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy and Rick James
Bruce by Rick Springfield here Rick talks about how he gets mistaken for “The Boss.”
Dancing In Heaven (Orbital Be-bop) by Q-Feel, Girls Just Want to Have Fun soundtrack
Sexyback – Poison rips off Justin Timberlake
Get this Party Started by Pink This is on the list just for being too girly.
Glory of Love – Peter Cetera from the Karate Kid part 2 soundtrack
Christmas songs up the wazoo – Merry Christmas Baby by my fav. Pepe the Prawn and R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas! with vocals by Jon Bon Jovi! Girls definitely take heed when they are informed that Jon Bon Jovi appears on the song.
Paula Abdul Songs – Straight up, Cold Hearted Snake. Remember the video for Cold Hearted Snake that was freakin’ hot at the time
Stars are Blind by Paris Hilton
Physical by Olivia Newton John (It fulfills my ’80s aerobic girl fetish)
Step by Step by New Kids on the Block
Call Me Back by Mike Flowers Pops
Notorious by Loverboy
Take It Higher by Larry Greene, Over the Top Soundtrack
Playing with the Boys by Kenny Loggins, Top Gun Soundtrack. Apparently the scene that it plays in is called “homoerotic.” Strange…I didn’t realize a bunch of sweaty, shirtless guys in cut off jean shorts playing volleyball was at all gay.
Ewok Celebration/Finale by John Williams Affectionately known as the “Yub, Yub Song.” You’re pretty much slayed like a Rancor Monster if you get caught with this one playing.
We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Jermaine Stewart
Flashdance…what a Feeling by Irene Cara
Howard the Duck performed by Lea Thompson and Holly Robinson Peete
Songs from The Grease 2 Soundtrack – Score Tonight, Who’s that Guy? among others.
Rock and Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter. A top contender for most embarrassing track on my iPod since Glitter is a convicted pedophile. I hope I’m not denied entry into the plane to Vegas because I have this!
Anything by Franz Ferdinand
Who’s Johnny – El Debarge
Kookie by Ed Byrnes
The Last Dragon by Dwight David, The Last Dragon Soundtrack
Smooth Up in Ya – Bulletboys
Porno Star by Buckcherry Ok this one is literally embarrassing. Imagine if your parents are in the car and the lyrics “don’t you know we fuck for money, I’m a big dick motherfucking porno star” blast through the speakers?
About Us by Brooke Hogan
I’ve Had the Time of My Life by Bill Medley/Jennifer Warnes, Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
Copa Cabana by Barry Manilow
Solid as Rock by Ashford and Simpson
Soldier of Love by Donny Osmond

I want to know…what are some of the most embarrassing tracks on your iPod?

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 5: Bon Jovi – New Jersey

Posted on September 6, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Earlier today, just about 15 miles south of where I’m sitting at my computer Jon Bon Jovi hosted a fundraising engagement for Barack Obama and the Democratic National Convention at his mansion on the Navesink River. According to the Associated Press article, it cost each of the approximately 100 attendants over $30,000 to be there. You know me, whenever Barack is brought up I can’t help but spew the obligatory word play. Like when I sit around and wonder if Jon Bon Jovi and Barack Obama were Barakken like Dokken and Baracking out with their cocks out! There’s about 2 people in the entire world who will get a chuckle out of that. It’s those 2 middle aged South Koreans whom I write this blog for.

For the past several years, Jon Bon Jovi has been heavily involved in fundraising for the Democratic party, but he’s also known to spread his benevolence around in various other ways. For instance, Jon Bon Jovi also donated $1 million dollars to the city of Newark, N.J to build housing for homeless people with special needs such as AIDS.

A while back in 1988, Bon Jovi did another cool thing for Jersey. The band released their 4th album and simply named it New Jersey. For those of you who were caught up in the “hair band” scene at that time then you know this album was pretty damn special. Perhaps, it was more special to those of us from Jersey. Imagine owning an album named after your state that featured colossal hits like “Bad Medicine,” “I’ll Be There For You,” “Born To Be My Baby,” and “Lay Your Hands on Me.” Those are songs you probably all know, some of you probably hate, but you ALL know how they go! Wikipedia confirms that New Jersey holds the record for most Top 10 singles from a rock album with 5! The record still remains. Let’s see if lamos like Daughtry and Nickelback can pull off something like that, huh?!?!

Even though Bon Jovi had successful albums prior to it’s release, New Jersey showed that mega stardom wasn’t going to make them turn their backs on the state that put them on the map. Naming the album after their home state illustrates how they revere N.J. It’s rare that people who have made it big from Jersey talk about it highly. Usually people can’t wait to move away and then immediately turn around and trash the state. They’ll rip N.J a new asshole without flinching AND in public no less. Fortunately, guys like Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi, and Kevin Smith proudly admit they’re from Jersey. Even with all of New Jersey’s faults and underhanded reputation, they aren’t afraid to hail the state and give back to the community. When I first heard that Bon Jovi was naming his album New Jersey I thought that was one of the coolest things ever. It’s a moment that I consider a proud one no matter how minuscule it may seem.

Track to Download Now:

Bon Jovi’s New Jersey contains “99 In the Shade” and is one of Bon Jovi’s most underrated tracks!

Criss Angel Makes His “Believe” Show Disappear

Posted on September 5, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Dear Criss,

This isn’t a letter hailing you for all your advances in the world of illusions. What you do on television is impressive but I can recall the days when success wasn’t so easy to come by for you. During my time working in radio you practically begged the various stations around NY/NJ to play your CD’s. Back then you were lucky to be called an adequate, formulaic, and effeminate magic act with a fierce lisp who just happened to play some pretty heinous hard rock music. But, there’s no need for us to harp on the past. Like Colonel Sandurz said, “We’re at now, now.” In fact, let’s talk about what I found in my inbox yesterday:

Exhibit A: a strategically written e-mail that your people sent out to anyone who purchased tickets to preview your Believe stage show in Vegas produced by Cirque Du Soleil. The show was slated to start on September 12th but they just flat out cancelled the first several “preview” shows. Oops, sorry folks! I’m glad they told us now you know, especially since my hotel and airfare are booked. Seeing Believe was the purpose of the trip. No apologies were offered for causing an inconvenience. They just aren’t ready yet. What doesn’t make sense is that before purchasing tickets, warnings were abound explaining the nature of a preview show. We would be seeing merely a preview which might not have the kinks worked out yet. The fans ate the tickets up anyway. We could look past some minor flubs unless you’re accidentally revealing how you pull all your illusions off.

Since my expectations are usually set pretty low, I was just happy I got a refund with no hassle. Perhaps that was some sort of illusion as well? Is the trick going to be telling us that you refunded us but it miraculously doesn’t show up on the credit card bill? Wow, that’s really inventive. Almost as good as “Hey, got your ear!” Thank God for that cause it never gets old!

I understand completely that I shouldn’t be holding you accountable personally, but the production crew. Oh yeah, the production crew…the guys who apparently work their asses off around the clock getting this thing together. For some reason these unionized professional effects gurus who create the wondrous wizardry that will be presented in the show felt that they just couldn’t make their deadline. Perhaps one too many lunch breaks at The Spearmint Rhino, huh fellas? I remember when I had a 50 page paper due my senior year of college and if it wasn’t in by the deadline I would receive a zero and have to take the course over again. That was only one 3 credit course which probably cost a few hundred dollars to participate in. I worked over 4 years to graduate college because I thought it might help my future. It was completely voluntary. This expert production company who’s getting paid literally millions of dollars, can’t make their deadline? They’ll sure as hell still get paid regardless of how many “peons” they screw over.

I don’t care about the refund, I actually wanted to see your show. Now, the only way that can happen is if I plan a whole entire future trip to Las Vegas. As you and I know, money doesn’t grow on trees although the leaves on the trees in your mansion are made of hundred dollar bills. Perhaps you could reach into those deep pockets of yours? You know, those swampy, smelly leather pants that you wear and finance my next trip out to Vegas to see your lame show that probably pales in comparison to say, a Broadway institution such as Phantom of the Opera.

Perhaps your little mind con, uhh, I mean mind freak isn’t translating to the stage as well as you thought it would? Do you think having a few more days might buy you the time to figure out how to cut that girl you’re banging into 3 pieces instead of 2, then float above her with industrial fans blowing your beautiful brown L’Oreal locks as your bare chest glistens for all the women in the audience to wet their panties? I honestly don’t know if you can accomplish all that with just a few extra days to play with. But think of it this way, it’s only a few days, but a TON of Vegas vacations are now ruined. How does that motivate you? Do you feel like Marty Moose? Clark Griswold wanted nothing more than to take his family to Wally World and the f’n park was CLOSED when they got there. “Soorrry Folks!” I thought paying astronomical amounts of money to see Bon Jovi was absurd, but it pales in comparison since his talent is monumentally more entertaining than any parlor trick. I’d like an apology for screwing up my trip or perhaps even a 20% discount on tickets if we want to come to a future show? F-that, you could’ve sent us all free Mindfreak T-shirts or something. I’m sure the women who got screwed over would love a pint of your sweat. You don’t have to shell out anything for that, Lord knows you sweat enough. I’m going to think twice about shelling out almost $200 a ticket for your show in the future let alone planning an entire vacation around it.

When my mind is clear and its doors are open for mesmerizing, your chicanery never fails to enthrall me. I have always been a “believer” until yesterday when my loyal status level has been downgraded to pending. Walking on water and floating in the air is impressive and that’s what made me believe that your stage show would be several shades of Unbelievable. As the story unfolds you’ve been disloyal to your “loyal“ and some of us won’t be experiencing your supposed fantastic and astonishing spectacle.

Now that a chunk of your fans have been unequivocally disappointed, are they expected to stand by idly and wait for your next “magic trick?” Perhaps one of the world’s most beloved and chaotic characters, who coincidentally also knows magic, might show you a little trick he can do with a pencil. You are one big M.F, and I don’t mean Mind Freak! Oh and by the way Criss, will you also be refunding the money of all 12 of the people out there who bought your albums over the years?

Author: sexyarmpit