sexyarmpit, Author at Sludge Central

MTV’s JERSEY GORE: Fist Pumping Zombie Guidos With Ripped Abs

Posted on August 4, 2011 by sexyarmpit

MTV’s Jersey Shore is about to jump the shark. The fourth season premieres tonight and it was all filmed in Italy. Oh, and Deena is now an official cast member which just means she’ll be stripping for any guy in Italy who pays attention to her. So, after spotting this JERSEY GORE pin at the last Monster Mania in Cherry Hill, I had an idea. This pin, which was for sale at the Bad Zombie/NJ Zombie Walk table, made me think of how much better the show would be if the cast all got turned into zombies.

The cast’s lame fights and corny, sappy romances would be elevated to a much more entertaining level if they were all part of the undead. I for one am frigging sick to death of all of Ronnie’s crying and whining about Sammie. F*ck that. If they were zombies I don’t think they’d really give a shit and I don’t think they’d do very much talking either so it’s a win-win. I’d love to see them all show up at a club down the shore with their jaws hanging open, eyeballs all white and glazed over, and their once artificially tanned bodies have decomposed into pale rotting flesh. No need for G.T.L anymore!

At the very least, I think it would be a great idea for the show to film a Halloween episode at the Asbury Park Zombie Walk since it’s a huge record setting deal. That would beat out an entire season’s worth of episodes from Italy. One question though, can walking corpses still maintain ridiculous abs?

The Perfect Age of Rock n Roll Hits ON DEMAND Tomorrow!

Posted on August 4, 2011 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImvUnsldJDg?rel=0]

The Sexy Armpit has just set up a nice little Friday evening for you. Order some pizza, pour yourself about a half gallon of Jack Daniels, and then pick up your remote control. You’ll merely be a few finger strokes away from finally being able to see the movie I’ve been telling you about for a long time now! Available to you in the comfort of your own butt cheek indented couch is: The Perfect Age of Rock n Roll! You can also go old school and see it in an actual movie theater (Village East Cinema), but either way you’ll be supporting a fine film that’s a favorite of mine and also has connections to New Jersey. For more info and movie theater show times – LIKE it on Facebook! By the way, it’s rated R…for Rock n Roll! (couldn’t resist)

The Vag Plate

Posted on August 4, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Oh man…that sucks!

Atlantic City Card Sharks

Posted on August 3, 2011 by sexyarmpit

If trivia was a possible area of study in college I would’ve excelled rapidly to a master’s degree in it. To prove it, I offer a bit of trivia for you in honor of Shark Week. Not to be confused with the classic game show involving those supersized playing cards, Card Sharks, The Atlantic City Card Sharks were a team in the NIFL for only one season. Unfamiliar with the NIFL? Don’t worry, I polled the entire universe and even parallel universes and there were only 26 people who remembered the NIFL. The National Indoor Football League was completely separate from the Arena Football League (The AFL), but according to it’s official website, “high quality entertainment” was the goal of the team in it’s first and only season.

The Card Sharks were coached by former Oakland Raider Mike Siani. They played home games at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City and after a record of 9-5, the team folded in 2004. Perhaps the only greater accomplishment than gaining a winning record in the NIFL was the fact that Trump Plaza issued a commemorative limited edition $10 dollar casino chip in the Card Sharks honor.

I say they should’ve kept those dancers around, and even the mascot! I wouldn’t mind watching them put on a little show while walking down the A.C boardwalk. Hell, why don’t they just have the Card Shark mascot run rampant on the A.C beach? He could weave in and out of the crowds of people suntanning while making lewd hand gestures, stealing people’s drinks, and sprinting into the ocean yelling “SHARK!” at the top of his lungs…now that’s high quality entertainment!

Check out their official website that is still being hosted

Batman Six Flags 2008 Coupon Book

Posted on August 1, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Here’s a Six Flags Great Adventure coupon book from 2008 that I scanned to show you. It combines 2 of my favorites: Batman and Six Flags Great Adventure. Of course, animation is also one of my obsessions as well and that’s also represented with Six Flags occasional mascot, Bugs Bunny. I prefer Bugs over the bald, dancing, “more flags, more fun” guy.

Rest Stop Dedications: The Retroist

Posted on July 30, 2011 by sexyarmpit

In the new column REST STOP DEDICATIONS we don’t just recommend a website we like,

we dedicate an entire rest stop to them on The Sexy Armpit Parkway!

The FIRST ever Rest Stop Dedication goes out to our friends at The Retroist!

Sure if you want to read like…news and stuff…you can log on to The Economist, but why would you want to do that when you can have a fun filled trip back in time via The Retroist? The Retroist blog has consistently transported me to places I used to go as a kid and has also brought back a ton of memories. In an overcrowded sea of nostalgia blogs, some of which are rarely updated, The Retroist is perched in the upper echelon of its genre. The site is updated daily with everything from commentary on old commercials, news on the latest nostalgic DVD releases, and they even offer a podcast! Plus, the man behind The Retroist grew up in New Jersey! LIKE The Retroist on Facebook!

Take a look back at some choice selections over at The Retroist involving New Jersey:

Wild West City

Chuck E. Cheese’s

Fun N Games Arcade in Wayne, NJ

Asbury Park Music Scene

Snooki Smurf a.k.a Jersey Smurf

Posted on July 29, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Celebrity Smurfs We’d Like to See was a featured colum last year on Lopez Tonight‘s website. On the list we learned that the only orange Smurf is Jersey Smurf! Let’s hope the fake tanned Snooki/Smurf hybrid doesn’t go off into Smurf village and corrupt Smurfette by taking her out to all the Smurf juice bars. After a night beatin’ up the beat, I can only imagine what kind of a Situation it will be when a sloshed Smurfette smushes some gorilla juice head.

Ad Jerseum 12: More McDonald’s Billboards

Posted on July 27, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Michelle Obama recently hailed McDonald’s efforts to make Happy Meals healthier. The Sexy Armpit has also hailed McD’s recently for it’s regional “Toast Your Town” marketing campaign. Although the last McDonald’s billboard I spotted was a bit convoluted (read this link), the two latest McDonald’s Toast Your Town billboards I found are pretty damn cool.

New Jersey’s coastline stretches for nearly 130 miles, but The Garden State is far from tropical. It’s safe to say that any palm tree you see is either of the cheesy fiber optic variety, a blow up pool decoration, or imported from a warmer state. Considering that we constantly get pummeled with blizzards in the winter, the idea of a drink that can make us feel more tropical or exotic here in NJ is welcome. All I have to do to feel tropical is buy a fruity drink from McDonalds? Will the Mango Pineapple Fruit Smoothie automatically transport me to an exotic island? Obviously a mere smoothie won’t whisk you away on a $10,000 dollar getaway to Hawaii, but perhaps Long Beach Island will be in your future? I bet they also recommend the tanning salon for the full effect.

I have to hand it to the McDonald’s marketing team for utilizing the localized ad concept. It’s an effective way to reach groups of people in specific regions. Most of the nationwide McDonalds ads are fairly generic and aren’t very impressive, so these are at least more entertaining. They must be, especially since I felt they were worth a follow up blog post.

The “pumping fists not gas” line has previously appeared on t-shirts and bumper stickers.

A large iced coffee at McDonalds probably would make me want to pump my fists, but not because I want to be mistaken for a guido, more because I would be insanely hopped up on caffeine.

If you read the last installment of Ad Jerseum, you will probably agree that despite whatever controversy exists between New York and New Jersey, The Statue of Liberty is simply not a symbol of New Jersey. People associate Lady Liberty with New York and naturally, the entire United States. I would say more people think of guidos when they hear “New Jersey” mentioned. It’s unfortunate that thanks to MTV’s hard-on for guidos, New Jersey may never overcome that association. Regardless of it being a negative association or not, I’ll admit that the second I saw the words “fist pump” the ad had my attention. I can’t believe fist pumping is as part of New Jersey as plastic surgery is to California. Yay stereotypes!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 79: Angry Birds in Wildwood!

Posted on July 26, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Angry Birds T-Shirts on the Wildwood Boardwalk

Have you checked yourself into an Angry Birds 12 step program yet? If not, you need to come to terms with your addiction! The widespread fixation with Angry Birds has had millions of people’s fingers attached to their touch screen smart phones as they attempt to slingshot birds into innocent swine. I’ve never even played the game, but it seems like everywhere I look at least one person is playing this damn game. According to Wikipedia, Angry Birds has been downloaded over 300 million times so far combined across all platforms. I haven’t seen this kind of fervor for a video game on a phone since Tetris or Bejeweled. Although I haven’t launched any birds from a virtual slingshot myself, I actually have had the pleasure of flinging wrestlers via the WWE Superstar Slingshot game app. That game is the same concept although instead of birds you can catapult John Cena into Randy Orton. If you’re an Angry Birds obsessed New Jerseyan, the schlocky t-shirts I spotted on the Wildwood Boardwalk are especially for you. Do these tees signal the metaphorical angry bird jumping the shark?

Jersey Devil My Little Pony by Debra “Bee” Rohlfs

Posted on July 25, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Customizing My Little Pony toys is a big thing, and if you don’t believe me just Google it! You will see MLP customs inspired by the likes of Disney, Star Wars, Wizard of Oz, and even Beetlejuice among many others. I had a feeling there might be a custom MLP of The Jersey Devil so I started looking for one recently and discovered a truly kickass version created by artist Debra “Bee” Rohlfs in 2009.

Exposing it’s ferocious set of spiky fangs, Rohlf’s Jersey Devi is a hairy, horned beast. It’s My Little Pony lineage is barely apparent now. If Falkor the luckdragon from The NeverEnding Story was possessed by Zuul from Ghostbusters this is what it might look like. It’s a brilliant and detailed take on the fabled demon lurking around in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. (All art and photos credited to Debra “Bee-Chan” Rohlfs.)

Rohlfs aka “Bee-Chan” also has a beautiful original art print of The Jersey Devil

available via her Deviant Art page.

Author: sexyarmpit