Sludge Central

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.53: The Switch

Posted on March 21, 2011 by sexyarmpit

WALLY: “We’ll move out out to the suburbs, huh?”

PAULINE: “OK, umm, New Jersey?”

WALLY: “Great! Easy commute, of course, I have to work a ton to afford that second house. Although that could end up just being an excuse, I might just be hiding from the ever growing tedium of New Jersey drudgery…”

Memories are fuzzy about this weekend. Did I seriously watch The Switch (2010) starring Jason Bateman? C’mon, I expected much more from the most audacious member Hogan Family! His character Wally was too much of a neurotic chicken shit to be honest with his best friend and love of his life Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) that he winds up getting sloshed and hijacks her baby batter. Hey Wally, you can’t just go around dumping her present suitor’s (Nite Owl aka Patrick Wilson) sperm into the sink and replacing it with your own! Man up. And the fact that Diane Sawyer helped you accomplish your mission was quite a desperate measure. Naturally, Kassie takes Wally back in a predictably sappy romcom fashion. Just when you think a movie might be a little more interesting than the average crap: IT’S NOT!
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Green Hornet Giveaway!

Posted on March 18, 2011 by sexyarmpit

TO ENTER THE GREEN HORNET GIVEAWAY:
1) Simply email sexyarmpit@comcast.net
2) SUBJECT: HORNET
3) Name and address

Winner will be chosen at random through a number generator and announced on 4/1/11.

Winner will receive:

– The Green Hornet and Kato figures

(it must be mentioned that the paint job isn’t so hot on Kato’s mask, but hey, it’s free, so no complaining!)

– You’ll also receive the Black Beauty Key Chain

– Green Hornet Hat

Recently I ripped on Carl’s Jr. but I am striking those comments from the record. They had originally claimed to be sending me some of the Green Hornet tie-in toys they were offering in their restaurant, but they didn’t come through. I was pissed off at them and made it known through an angry post which can be r ead here. Much of the reason why I was fuming was because there are NO Carl’s Jr. restaurants on the east coast, which is why it was difficult for me to get my hands on the Hornet toys during the films premiere. I knew I could wait for them to go on ebay, but it was obvious that I’d be paying up to $10 bucks per toy or probably more.

In the end, Carl’s Jr. came through and worked everything out with me. They were nice enough to not only send me the Black Beauty key chain as well as an awesome Green Hornet mini poster. Also in the shipment was an extra set of stuff for a giveaway! Thanks so much to Carl’s Jr. and hopefully one day they’ll open one of their restaurants in Jersey!

The Monster Van Is On The Move!

Posted on March 16, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Driving cross country has always been on my list of things to do. A Winnegabo is too much real estate for me to be hauling around, I prefer smaller vehicles. A ’70s style custom van is what I need. How about some black lights and a kickass Sexy Armpit mural on the sides? A man can dream can’t he? Until then I’ll admire other people’s cool vans.

I spotted this “Monster Van” heading down 287 the other day. I’ve seen van artwork before but it’s not often you see one plastered with actual photos of classic monster movies affixed to it on the highway. Whoever owns this van must turn a ton of heads. I HAD to snap a picture with my iPhone (as you can see above) and it actually came out amazingly well considering we were driving close to 60 miles per hour! Right after that, the van sped up and disappeared out of sight. Maybe he was heading back to Transylvania via route 287?

*The van had New Jersey plates but I blurred out the plate number. Also, if you look closely at the back window there’s a Frankenstein window cling!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 73: Shamrocking New Jersey

Posted on March 16, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Charcoal New Jersey Shamrock T-Shirt available at Cafe Press

I Shamrock New Jersey! Tee available at Fresh Tease

Can’t decide what to wear for St. Patrick’s Day? Is your Leprechaun costume still getting dry cleaned? Look no further than our T-Shirt selections to wear on St. Patrick’s Day this year.

Christmas, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day all get accused of being too commercialized, but what about St.Patrick’s Day? It’s just another reason to sell green decorations and candy and plaster everything with shamrocks. Instead of just wearing St.Paddy’s themed t-shirts, the wearing of the green has been blown completely out of proportion since people also spray their hair and skin green as well.

St. Patrick’s Day is getting out of hand. If any holiday deserves to be even more commercialized than it already is it’s Halloween, the most fun time of the year for kids and adults alike. St. Patrick’s day is supposed to be a religious celebration yet it’s become mostly about going out and getting trashed. This may be fun for those of legal drinking age, but what about the kids? At least there’s the Shamrock Shakes at McDonald’s because without those St. Patrick’s Day sucks for kids.

Hoboken Shamrock T-Shirt available at Solid Threads

I (Shamrock) Love New Jersey available at Skreened

Since the beginning of the month, all over New Jersey there have been St.Patrick’s Day parades rolling through main streets of towns. The earliest St. Patrick’s day parade in New Jersey took place in Morristown in 1780, and since then, the whole thing has snowballed from there. The celebration is now a month long event rather than just one weekend. In case you miss a parade in one town, you can go to another town’s parade the next weekend.

All right, so maybe I’m a humbug, but all St. Patrick’s Day seems to be about is getting shitfaced in bars from green beer. The parades create tons of traffic, and the excessive drinking makes people puke green behind every corner. There’s also cops everywhere you turn looking to hand out tickets for public intoxication with their “zero tolerance” policy. Instead of getting caught up in all that, maybe I’ll pick up some mint chocolate chip ice cream, turn on Weezer’s Green Album and have a Sexy Armpit style St. Patrick’s Day celebration. Hopefully I’ll get a visit from my green friends, The Great Gazoo, Slimer, and Sludgey, The Sexy Armpit mascot.

Monsters, TNA, and PB & Jay

Posted on March 15, 2011 by sexyarmpit

SS SEXY ARMPIT CAPTAIN’s LOG
MISSION: BIRTHDAY WEEKEND
Saturday March 12, 2011

The Monster Mania Con was calling my name like Vader taunting Luke. The con fell on my birthday weekend so not going wasn’t an option. Cherry Hill NJ is a bit of a hike from Sexy Armpit Headquarters but when I woke up on Saturday morning I noticed the weather was sunny and pretty warm so I decided that a ride down the Turnpike for Monster Mania was the thing to do.

Once I got off at exit 4, I stopped for an iced coffee at D and D to recharge myself and then headed to the Crowne Plaza Hotel. Out of all the stars that were signing autographs over the weekend there weren’t any names that I was hardcore about getting to meet. Of course there were some hotties like Dina Meyer, Allison Barron, and Melinda Clarke, but this time around I was planning on just hanging out and having a good time.

Parking was atrocious as usual, they really need to do something about that. Once the summer installment of MM rolls around I don’t feel like walking 3 1/2 miles back to my car in the sweltering heat. Fortunately, I was able to nab a fairly close spot, but that was after 15 minutes of driving around. Inside I noticed the same scenes of previous MM cons, but that’s what’s cool about it. I thought to myself, “If only there was a place like this that you could go hang all the time, not just a couple of times a year.”

I kept my spending to a minimum and made only a few purchases.

One of them was something cool for Miss Sexy Armpit at the SourPuss Clothing table.

I met a much cooler New Jersey version of Kat Von D, Jessica Rajs. Jess is the creative director from Bad Zombie, the creators of The New Jersey Zombie Walk. They not only organize the Zombie Walk but also sell some rad T-Shirts as well as a Pinup Calendar of some sexy and zombified local ladies. The Gorgeous and Gory Pinup Calendar is sold out, but each print was available for purchase along with other cool swag.

Finally the coolest moments of the con came when I ran into a few familiar faces. First, the question was posed what would happen if The Sexy Armpit was in The Man Cave? Two major players at the MM Con, Geof Capodanno of The Man Cave Blog and his friend and expert cameraman Dan Petrucci do it up in style with a hotel room, and not one igloo, but TWO M*THERF*CKING IGLOOS! What’s so cool about the Igloos you ask? They were filled with…BEER! So they were nice enough to invite a wandering Sexy Armpit up to their room for a brew and they also filmed a Man Cave Interview with me too! It sound so dirty but it really isn’t! It will probably be posted over there pretty soon so be on the lookout! It was a really fun time and I look forward to hanging out with the Man Cave crew again in the future. Thanks guys!

From there I also ran into John and his girlfriend from Freddy in Space (one of the best horror blogs out there) and had a minute to talk with them. And then I talked with none other than the writer and director of the awesome revenge film, JERSEY JUSTICE, John Charles Hunt! If you have a minute, check out The Sexy Armpit’s review of the film right here. By the end of the day I realized that socializing without any stringent agenda made the day way more fun. Without being rushed around and bleeding money out of my wallet I had a chance to really enjoy the experience.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H7PZ4fhIJo?rel=0]

After the con it was time to rush back up the Turnpike for the TNA Wrestling show in Rahway NJ. In addition to “The Shore” spectacle made up of Robbie E., Cookie, and Angelina from Jersey Shore, most of the big TNA stars also appeared including Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy, Matt Morgan, and Beer Money. Velvet Sky was signing during intermission so it was my big chance to meet her. Getting a picture with Velvet Sky made me quite a happy man. The show’s fast paced ring action made the crowd electric. It was a great time and we met up with some friends after the show.

What’s a birthday without a cool cake? Is that a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich in this picture or a birthday cake masquerading as a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I primed my girlfriend several months in advance that this was the cake I wanted for my birthday and she remembered. So we slapped some candles into that bad boy and dug in. Using the Cakewich Sandwich Style Cake Mold, who is getting a free plug right now, Miss Sexy Armpit took the time to concoct this delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich cake. I know lots of people who despise peanut butter but obviously I am not one of them. PB and J has always been one of my favorite snacks, whether it’s between bread or on crackers, it’s simple and reminds me of being a kid. Gotta have some milk with it though! This cake was a fun, nostalgic, and a change of pace from your average butter cream birthday cake.

That brings the 2011 Birthday celebration to an end. Thanks for reading and I can only hope it’s just as exciting next year!

Lee’s Hawaiian Islander: The Sexy Armpit’s Tiki Adventure

Posted on March 14, 2011 by sexyarmpit

SS SEXY ARMPIT CAPTAIN’S LOG

MISSION: BIRTHDAY WEEKEND

FRIDAY MARCH 11, 2011

It wasn’t my intention to go to work on my birthday, so I thought ahead and took the day off. If you follow me on Twitter (@sexyarmpit) you probably already know that my day wasn’t filled with Jaeger bombs or butt cheeks flailing in my face. My birthday included a malfunctioning pneumatic tube at the bank drive thru, getting Appolonia’s “Sex Shooter” stuck in my head all day, and almost driving away with a little Mexican lady who clearly wasn’t finished cleaning my windows at the car wash. I closed the doors and she was still in the back of my car unbeknownst to me, all this while I battled clogged sinuses, and pumped myself with Red Bull because I haven’t been getting proper sleep.

Later in the night the family took a trip to Lee’s Hawaiian Islander in Lyndhurst, NJ for a birthday dinner for myself and my dad whose birthday is a couple of days after. I’ve never been to Lee’s but have always wanted to go to check out the kitchsy ’50s and ’60s Polynesian decor. The whole retro Tiki trend has always fascinated me and it’s been my mission to have a birthday dinner there for a long time. Lee’s has been a Jersey institution for decades and they even had 2 locations for a long time until one burned down several years back.

If you’re into Tiki culture, Lee’s is the most prominent stop for that in New Jersey. It’s such an odd place, but not for the fact that it hasn’t changed one bit since it opened in the early ’70s, more so because they may have the exact same staff from when the opened! The place was fairly empty when I got there at 7pm but I waited for several minutes before anyone asked me if I would like to be seated. From there I don’t have many complaints about the food since it’s exactly what you expect from Polynesian/Chinese type cuisine. Our waiter barely spoke English which made it very difficult to order and ask questions. Only a few minor drawbacks, but it’s well worth it to be able to enjoy such an iconic Tiki restaurant in New Jersey. Overall it was a fun dinner, and such a different experience than any other restaurant in the state.

*Visit Jason Perlow’s Off The Broiler blog for a full review and an excellent pictorial of the interior of Lee’s.

Birthday Nostalgia

Posted on March 11, 2011 by sexyarmpit

“DUKES!” was my answer to everything for a long time when I was a kid. I was talking about Dukes of Hazzard, a show that I was obsessed with as were many other boys my age. My mom would ask me what I was going to ask Santa to bring me for Christmas and I’d reply “DUKES!” super loud. “Yes, but what Dukes thing do you want, Jay?” “A DUKES CAR!” I said to her, strangely in a thick New York type accent. When I was a little kid I had a hard time pronouncing my R’s which lead people to scratch their head when I said words like SMAWF and BAWN which actually meant SMURF and BURN. This is an issue you’ll hear many kids struggle with but usually grow out of. Occasionally that problem comes back when pronouncing the word BREWERY. To me that is the hardest word to say. I don’t remember having issues with the word BIRTHDAY, and what do you know, today is mine!

In this post you are looking at a few photos from a couple of birthdays from when I was a kid. The first one is circa 1982 where you can check out the awesome Dukes of Hazzard cake that was made for me. Back then the world wasn’t as obsessed with the insanely intricate gourmet cake decorating that we are today. Now we have Cake Boss and other shows like it and there’s no cake that can’t be created! Back then this cake was pretty f’n awesome. Through the years I’ve had a bunch of awesome cakes made for me such as Batman cakes, and a Sexy Armpit cake made by my awesome girlfriend.

The above photo was several years later after my I was a full blown WWF addict for a long time. You can see how excited I was to receive the Bobby Heenan action figure. I was so anxious to amass the Heenan Family and without it’s manager they were nothing so I was pumped. Anytime I got a WWF action figure I remember yelling so loud as if it was Silver Banshee’s sonic scream. I still get excited about things but I tend to be more reserved. Nowadays I don’t think I would shriek like that unless I won $47 million dollars. So, times have changed in some respects, but many aspects of my birthday remain exactly the same. For instance, this year I already bought myself a few hot wheels cars (not a General Lee), a couple of action figures, and my birthday weekend will include a TNA Wrestling show in Rahway NJ!

Star Killer Causes a Stellar Explosion in Newark

Posted on March 8, 2011 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhnv2vbKVcw?rel=0]

Crime was the least of my worries on Saturday night as I ventured to QXT’s in Newark NJ to check out the NYC industrial metal band Star Killer in their first official New Jersey appearance. Lead singer Jasin Cadic grew up in New Jersey, so putting on a show for us here in his home state was a priority.

For over 20 years QXT’s has been the only club in the area where you could hear new wave, goth, 80s, industrial, and punk all in the same venue. As a lifelong Jersey resident, one of the reasons why I never went to the club wasn’t because of the crime in Newark, it was mostly because I doubted that I’d fit in. I listen to the genres of music that their DJ’s spin but visually I always figured I’d have to show up looking like I was the lead singer in a Cure cover band. But, upon hearing that Star Killer would be playing a show at QXT’s I threw all my apprehensions out the window because I knew I had to see them live. For months and months I’ve been listening to their EP (which is available HERE for a limited time free of charge) on my iPod and looking at a few videos from YouTube of shows that went down elsewhere. It was New Jersey’s time to feel the power of Star Killer live, and damn it was a spectacle.

I was in luck, it was superhero night at QXT’s. Glowing lights drenched the scantily clad Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy who were dancing all up on each other. It seemed like a typical night for them, although there was no trace of Batman anywhere. There were other girls dressed as characters from the film Kick-Ass as well as a couple of female Robins too. Holy supertight latex Batman!

As we arrived at the bar I noticed our female bartender’s costume. “Black Spiderman, right?” I asked her. “NO! VENOM!” she snapped back at me dumbfounded that I didn’t know who she was supposed to be dressed like. The Sexy Armpit cut her some slack and decided that her blood wasn’t made up of geekoglobin like mine and she was probably unaware of the origin of Venom. When she bought the costume I’m sure it said “Sexy Venom Costume” because every costume for a girl is “Sexy,” but this one really looked more like your basic black Spiderman costume from Secret Wars. Too confusing for untrue believers. Nevertheless, she was completely attentive and appreciative of her tips. My partner in crime for the night, Money Marc and I hung out and soaked in the scene until Star Killer finally stormed the stage.

Just before it was announced that the band was about to go on there were a few people who trickled out to the offshoot rooms in QXT’s. They really missed out because Star Killer stunned the crowd. For those in attendance who stayed to check them out, it was obvious from their banging heads and lots of crowd feedback that they liked what they were witnessing.

Star Killer’s aggressive onslaught of industrial metal featured songs that are immediately memorable and always get me pumped such as their single “As The Sky Is Falling.” As he introduced the song, singer Jasin Cadic even gave a shout to The Sexy Armpit for being big supporters of the band which was pretty f*cking awesome of him. The stage was lit up with green lasers and blue and red lights as Star Killer tore into many songs from their EP as well as an incredible cover of Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself For Loving You.” If you are as unsure about getting into a new band as I was about heading to QXT’s, get over it and download their EP now! Star Killer will definitely appeal to hard rock and metal fans, especially those who are into Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and Korn. Click Here for our full review of Star Killer’s debut EP

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvQYNy7geXE?rel=0]

“You Know That New Sound You’re Lookin’ For?…”

Posted on March 4, 2011 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_jNT3vJai0?rel=0]

*After watching this a few times I realized that the creators of this video omitted some major acts! The Duprees from Jersey City, The Misfits from Lodi, as well as The Rascals who originally formed in Garfield NJ. Just read the comments on YouTube in response to this video and you’ll see about 50 more acts that were not included. I guess the video would’ve had to have been 25 minutes rather than 5.

I was tipped off to this video package by my FB friend Sil Atda BadaBing and it showcases musicians and singers who hail from New Jersey. The video has been making the rounds on the Internet recently and it was produced by Charles Ricciardi and Steven Gorelick for the NJ Hall of Fame ceremony. The Sexy Armpit goes on record as saying that Hall of Fames are dumb and meaningless. KISS not being inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame proves that. Better yet, the fact that Madonna and RUN DMC made it in before KISS is preposterous considering that the first KISS album, which has only gotten better with age, was released in 1974! The NJ Hall of Fame is just another excuse to charge an insane amount of money for a ticket to an event where the elite like to kiss each others asses and the rich stick their noses in the air. F*ck that! Great video on music from the Garden State though. And for all of you New Jersey writers and bloggers, The NJ Hall of Fame treated The Armpit like a 2nd rate citizen a couple of years back, so there is one New Jersey organization that should be tossed out with the rest of our trash. They’ll see, The Sexy Armpit is gonna make like Goldie Wilson and clean up this town!

Johnny Walker Is My Homeboy! Randy “The Ram” Is The Man!

Posted on February 27, 2011 by sexyarmpit

If you thought The Wrestler was simply the wrestling version of Rocky, after reading this post you’ll think differently. The immense amount of similarities between 1988’s Homeboy and 2008’s The Wrestler make them more suitable companion films. The Wrestler, came 20 years after Homeboy, but both star Mickey Rourke and are filmed in New Jersey. Now join me at ringside as we pit boxer Johnny Walker vs. former wrestling superstar Randy “The Ram” Robinson…

Both The Wrestler and Homeboy’s New Jersey setting and stirring cinematography transported me directly into their respective main character’s agonizing world. While The Ram was your typical beefed up bleach blonde babyface who has seen better days, Homeboy’s Johnny Walker had shorter hair, and a western flair, but they were both equally beaten down, fading athletes.

Randy the Ram was grappling with his own demons and masking his pain with drugs, but Johnny Walker put himself in danger when he merely stepped into the ring. Walker also continued to align himself with an underhanded promoter prick only out for the purse, Christopher Walken’s Wesley Pendergass. It was easy to feel bad for a weathered, wandering cowboy who was being manipulated by a sleazy low level crook. As Pendergass, Walken is so Walkeny that you’d think he’s doing an impression of himself. This is classic Walken.

During the making of the two films, Rourke had more difficulty adjusting to training to become a wrestler since he had previously been a boxer for several years before pursuing acting. His bio on Wikipedia reveals that he suffered at least two concussions during his early boxing matches. His ring experience in real life clearly lent authenticity to both roles. Rourke even used Guns n Roses “Sweet Child o’ Mine” as his entrance music in his boxing bouts, while Randy “The Ram” Robinson chose to use the same song in the last match against The Ayatollah in The Wrestler.

In 1997 singer Paula Cole begged to know “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?” Homeboy might not answer that question precisely, but after watching the film it’s obvious that all the cowboys slash boxers have gone to Asbury Park. Considering that Rourke wrote the screenplay for Homeboy (under his nom de plum “Sir Eddie Cook) and that he went back to boxing after his declining movie career, Homeboy becomes even more poignant. Although there’s many differences between boxing and professional wrestling, there’s almost no separation between Rourke, Johnny Walker, and Randy “The Ram” Robinson. Throughout his own boxing career, in addition to concussions, Rourke suffered a number of injuries such as broken bones, a compressed cheekbone, and short term memory loss. All that plus accusations that he was washed up as an actor fueled his performances in these films.

What isn’t fair to Rourke as an actor and a writer is that his performance as Johnny Walker in Homeboy is no less striking than his acclaimed role as Randy “The Ram” Robinson in The Wrestler, but Homeboy quietly resides simply as another minor notch on his filmography. Even without a fraction of the dialogue that Randy the Ram was supplied with, I still rooted for the enigmatic Johnny Walker. Through Rourke’s mannerisms and expressions he portrayed a boxer who was frequently mentally absent, but kept moving in life as well as in the ring. He was quiet and dumb, yet he yearned for the simple embrace of a woman named Ruby, played by actress Debra Feuer, Rourke’s wife at the time.

Mickey Rourke’s personal life and career bled into both Homeboy and The Wrestler. Both films are emotional and heartbreaking and leave you stunned as if you were hit with a knockout blow. I urge you to watch Homeboy to see what could be considered the precursor to The Wrestler. I wonder if Darren Aronofsky has seen it?

*Currently Homeboy is streaming on Netflix
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